2010 In Review

Just like last year, I thought it would be fun to do a little "year in review" here at JtoT.

January

* Drew and I went on a double date night with Matt and Sheena

February

* I turned 25 and Drew and I did something for the first time as a couple
* We got a new bed. Woot!
* Drew turned 30!

March

* I had my first acupuncture appointment.
* Our "tenants" moved out.
* Drew got a new job.

April

* We started car shopping.
* I thought we were making progress with the acupuncture.

May

* I got a new toy.
* My cousin became a Dr.
* I went to the 2nd concert I've ever been to, with my sister.

June

* I co-hosted a baby shower for Jessica and made a super cute wreath.

July

* We got a new car!
* Angela had her bridal shower.

August

* I had my first appointment with the RE.
* Angela's bachelorette party. Oy vey!
* Angela and Cody's wedding.

September

* The RE's office went and screwed everything up, so I had to miss a cycle. Stupid!
* Drew and I went and picked apples.
* I started the journey to getting braces. (I still haven't made it any further. Lay off! I'm scared of getting my teeth pulled!!)

October

* I blogged about getting fired.
* Drew and I went on vacation to Florida and Georgia.
* We celebrated two years of marriage.

November

* I finally made some progress at the RE and had an IUI.
* We hosted Thanksgiving.
* We cut down a real Christmas tree!

December

* I made a super cute holiday card hang up and was featured.
* The IUI didn't work :(.
* Christmas celebrations.

It's been such a busy year with lots of excitement and changes. I hope that 2011 is even better for us. Bring it on!!!

Christmas 2010

Another Christmas has come and gone. I can't believe that we're already at the end of another year. We celebrated Christmas with Drew's side of the family on Thursday. Here's a cute video of little Wes laughing.

After he had gotten dressed, and was fed, Jessica wanted to take some generation pictures.

This is Drew's parents, Drew, me, Jessica, Eric, and Wesley.

Then, we opened presents. Of course, Wes was spoiled like crazy!!

Drew's parents gave us webcams. Yes, our computer is so ancient that it doesn't have one. I can't wait to Skype!!

Jessica made a photobook give to Drew's parents and grandparents. Drew's dad cried! I love gifts that bring tears to the eyes.

Please note the onesie. It speaks for itself.

(It says "My Auntie is awesome")

Nom, nom, nom on my toes.....

Baby's first snowfall.Drew and I hosted Christmas Eve for my side of the family on Friday. Can you believe that I didn't take one picture? I'm so disappointed with myself. In my defense, I was busy playing hostess.

I didn't do anything on Christmas. Drew had to work, so I hung out at home, all by myself. Lame!

The new year is less than a week away. I can't believe it!!

I'm Being Featured!

Remember my post about how I solved my dilemma with my holiday cards? Well, it's being featured over on Polly Want A Crafter today!

Cassity has a fantastic blog that features a lot of super neat craft ideas. Be sure to head over there and check out her blog. You won't regret it!!

AYKM: Just Hit It With a Hammer

Our furnace went out tonight. Not such a big deal if we lived in a place like Florida or Hawaii or the Equator, but a huge deal if you live in the frozen tundra known as Northern Illinois.

I called Drew to let him know that the furnace was obviously not working because the thermostat read that it was 61 in here when I had it set at 68. Brrrrr!!!! He came home for dinner and started working on it. After talking to some people, including his dad, they decided that a certain part needed to be replaced. Luckily, Drew's dad had one. He came over. Bad news. The part didn't work.

Drew and Mark worked on the furnace for about an hour and a half, where Drew got progressively more and more frustrated. They came upstairs and decided that they couldn't figure it out so we would need to call a repairman.

The repairman called Drew back and started to walk him through the furnace. I guess that the guy didn't have the part that was broken and told Drew about something that needed to be reset. I don't know what happened with that, but the next thing I hear is a bunch of banging. I guess the guy said to "bang the shit" out of a certain part. Low and behold, the furnace started working!

Our house is slowly warming up again. I'm pretty thankful that it seems to be working for now because the repairman was "nice" enough to inform us of his fee to come out. $60 just to come out and then $23 for every 15 minutes he's here. That's one hell of an hourly wage!

How To Not Put Your Foot In Your Mouth

I have been doing a lot of serious thinking lately. I've had a few things happen over the past couple of weeks that have made me think about the taboo subject of infertility. I have had a couple of conversations with close friends that have made me want to speak out. I realize that this is not an easy thing for anybody. It's certainly not easy for me, and I've come to realize that it's not easy for the people in my life.

I was talking to a close friend of mine, and we were airing a couple of grievances that we had. I told her that I was really upset because it doesn't seem like she cares about me or my treatments because she never asks about them. I mean, I have people that I'm not nearly as close to who ask more frequently. And it's not like what I'm going through is a secret. She paused for a minute. She then told me that she was really sorry, but she didn't always know what to say. Now, let me just tell you, this girl can talk and is hardly at a loss for words. I never suspected that she wouldn't know what to say. But it makes sense now.

Unless you've had the unfortunate experience of infertility, a person can't possibly understand what is involved. And I'm sure it's difficult to try to say something when you have no knowledge of the subject. That would be like me trying to talk about aircraft maintenance. Ain't going to happen!

But, you're in luck! I'm here to save you from yourself. It is so easy to say something that you think that help and be supportive, but it really does just suck. Point blank, it sucks

1. "My friend's brother's wife's cousin's sister saw this doctor and she got pregnant right away." - Thank you. I would just love to go to another doctor to run more tests that may or may not have already been done. Not to mention the time that it will take to get in for an appointment at that new doctor.
2. "You should take a vacation!" - Is there a Fertility Island that I don't know about?
3. "It'll happen if you just relax" - Been there, done that. I even did the acupuncture to try and relax.
4. "Maybe you should think about adoption." - I, in no way, look down on adoption. And adoption may very well be a path that we have to pursue. However, I do NOT want it suggested to me before I am ready to consider it. Adoption is not an "easy fix" to infertility. It takes a long time and a lot of money to adopt a child. We're talking two or more years and tens of thousands of dollars. You are not even guaranteed a child at the end. There is nothing to say that the birth mother won't change her mind.
5. "You do know how to have sex, right?" - Wait! You mean that I can't get pregnant by swallowing?!? Well, damn. My husband won't be happy about that one.

And there are about a gabillion more, but I'll spare you. Do you want to know what TO say to somebody who is struggling with infertility. "I'm sorry that you have to go through this." "I'm hear to listen anytime you need to talk/cry/vent/yell/whatever."

There are a couple of infertility blogs that I read that really help to make me laugh through the tears.

Busted Plumbing - Kate just welcomed a beautiful baby boy into this world. She had a very difficult infertility journey and her humor is wonderful!

999 Reasons to Laugh at Infertility - This blog makes me laugh with practically every post!

There are many, many more, but these are two that I follow right now. I really hope that this has helped when it comes to talking to someone who struggles with infertility.

Our Christmas Card 2010

I'm pretty sure that at this point, most everybody has received their card. So, I though I would share on here the design that I decided to go with after sharing about using Shutterfly for our cards this year.
I think they turned out great! I am very pleased with the quality and the printing on them. They are printed on sturdy cardstock, which I was really impressed with. I do need to mention that I ordered stationary cards, as opposed to the photo cards, so, I'm sure, that contributed to the "heavier" quality of the paper. I love the fact that it said 2010 on it. I don't know how many people actually keep the cards after the season, but I probably will keep all the ones we receive this year.

Failure

I am so heartbroken to announce that I am not pregnant.

I went in Tuesday for a blood draw and received the call that afternoon. I honestly didn't have too high of hopes because I had already tested with an at home pregnancy test and it came up negative.

I'm numb.

I remember feeling so confident two weeks ago that this was going to work. I remember thinking that we would be able to make an announcement at Christmas that we were going to be parents. I remember feeling hopeful.

Now, I just feel pain.

It is so hard to keep trying for something month after month and keeping seeing that stupid no. It is so hard to want and desire something so badly that you can't obtain. There are two friends on Facebook who have very recently had babies, and while I am so overjoyed for them because they have had a long struggle, it's so difficult to see the pictures. I want that joy that they are feeling.

I have to take a break this cycle because the doctor's office doesn't do any treatments in December. That means at least two more times of getting miserably sick. I hate this.

AYKM: Don't You Wish Your Neighbor Was Cool Like Mine?

Ok, so this guy isn't really my neighbor, but he does live in my town. I have no idea who he is, but his house, decked out in Christmas spirit, humbles any other house that tries to.

Drew and I discovered this house yesterday when we went to rent some movies. After watching for a few minutes, I knew we had to grab the camera and record the show.

I don't know who the owner of this house is, or how he did this, or exactly the reason why. But I do know that this is cool!!

Holiday Card Hang Up

I knew I had to come up with a solution for my holiday card dilemma. Last year, I just sat them on a shelf and, since a good majority of them are photo cards, they just fell all over and were a constant annoyance. This year, ahhhhh this year, I have the perfect solution. I got this idea from some girls on a message board and just kind of ran with it. (Thanks girls!)

First, I went to Michael's and got 4 different sheets of scrapbook paper. It's important to select a paper that has a small design because the paper is going to be cut into small strips.
Then, I cut the paper into strips using my paper cutter.

The strips were cut just big enough to cover a clothespin. I attached the paper to the clothespin using rubber cement.

This was my first time buying rubber cement and when I got to the check out and scanned it, it told me to wait to cashier assistance. The cashier came over and asked my age. Apparently you have to be 17 to buy rubber cement. I figured out why after I opened the bottle. I'm surprised I didn't die from the fumes.

Here's what the finished clothespins look like.

Then, I made some bows with a long tail to hang on the wall. I hung the bows using those 3M hook things.

I finished the project just in time to receive our first holiday card.

What do you think? Cute, huh? Now, I just have to keep the cats (Luuuuuucifer) from attacking the hanging ribbon.

Just Call Me a Pharmacy

Yesterday, I went back to the RE's office for a blood draw to check my hormone levels. The nurse called me that afternoon and told me that my levels "weren't bad". I have now been put on estrogen and progesterone because the nurse says that we've got a very good chance of being pregnant. Oh, and a vaginal suppository. I'm just ecstatic. Overjoyed, I tell you.

For anybody who is reading this that is going through the same thing, I am taking Estradiol and Prometrium. And the vaginal suppository. Can't forget about that, now can we?

I know that there are worse things in life. And Sheena made me well aware of that when she pointed out that it could be an anal suppository. Thanks for seeing the glass half full Sheena!! But folks, I'm seriously going to be so pissed off if I'm not pregnant.

Cuttin' Down a Christmas Tree

Drew and I went with our friends, Josh and Amanda, to cut down our Christmas tree today. I haven't had a real Christmas tree in years. I can't tell you how excited I am to have a real tree in my home. It smells amazing! We went to Williams Tree Farm to pick out our tree. To say there had a lot of trees is an understatement.
Lots of trees.

Lots and lots of trees.

Josh and Amanda were looking for a tall, skinnier one. I think they found a pretty good one. Here's the men chopping it down.

Amanda and I supervised. Can you see our shadows? Haha!

Then, Drew and I found our tree. I had originally "marked" one that I like, but then Josh pointed out this one and it's perfect!

They also have some animals at the Farm. Like a reindeer!!

You can't not feed the camel, right!

Now, I'm just waiting for the branches on the tree to fall back down before I start decorating it. I post a picture of our decorated tree soon. After I vacuum up the gabillion pine needles that are already on my carpet. Ha! It's a small price to pay to have a real tree again.

I Will Be A Wonderful Mother

I participate in a couple of online message boards. I have become friends with women on there that I have never even met. As I was lurking around one of the boards the other day, somebody had posted a poem that instantly brought tears to my eyes. There are so many lines in this poem that say the words that my heart feels.

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss, and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore, and discover.
I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that I have been given this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that I am led to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.
I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.

I listen.

And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.

Thanksgiving 2010

Drew and I hosted Thanksgiving this year since we stayed home and didn't go to Georgia. We had my family and Drew's parents over. I documented the day with a few pictures.

I can't tell you how much I absolutely hate taking pictures in my living room. My house is like a dungeon and, since I don't have an external flash yet, it usually takes me about 5 minutes playing around with my settings before I finally get an exposure I like. By that time, my mom was bored!
Here's one of the tables. I purposefully didn't do any centerpieces because I thought we were going to put food on the table. We decided to use all of our counterspace instead. Oh well!

Close up of one of the settings.

Drew decided that he wanted to fry the turkey since he heard rave reviews about it. I've had fried turkey before so I knew what to expect. Drew spent a lot of time looking up marinade recipes so he could inject the turkey. I don't know about you, but they look cold to me!

Fried bird

I think it was good frying it, but I did not care for the seasoning. It was a little too spicy for my tastes and there was something about the taste of it that wasn't pleasant for me. Everybody else loved it though. I hope that everyone had a great Thanksgiving!!

Inseminate Me Please

I seriously pranced around my house this morning singing, "I'm getting knocked up today, I'm getting knocked up today".

We arrived at the doctor's office when we were supposed to. Unfortunately, they must have been running behind because it was an hour before I had the IUI. Drew was impressed.

I'll run through the process in case somebody is reading this that would like to know.

Drew had to "make love to a cup" (the doctor's words, not ours) and have it there by 7:15 this morning. I had to be there at 8:45 for the IUI. During that time, the nurse does the wash process, which is basically separating the swimmers from the non-swimmers. The doctor said that Drew had excellent numbers.

The nurse called me back to the room and had me get undressed. She asked me if I would be ok with the male student doctor being in there. At this point, so many people have seen my lady bits, what's. one. more! I really do think that it made it a little more awkward though. The doctor came in with the nurse and the student (And, can I just add here, that there were an awful lot of people in a room that was pretty small.) The nurse and doctor got me in position. The doctor was trying to make small talk with Drew and the nurse was all business like trying to get him to get the show on the road. I was a little disturbed by that. I would like our doctor to take more than 2 seconds with us, thank you very much. The doctor inserted the speculum, then had the nurse push on my stomach while he inserted the catheter. That was a little uncomfortable. It was over quickly and then they propped my feet up and had me lay there for 20 minutes.

I go back in a week for a blood draw to check my hormone levels and then a week after that for a pregnancy test. Drew and I won't be making any kind of announcement until we have an ultrasound and feel comfortable with things.

What do you think? Do you think I'm pregnant? I've put a little poll over on the side, just for fun.

I Could Get Used To This

Another GREAT doctor's appointment today!!! I could definitely get used to this!

My appointment was at 7:15 this morning. Drew and I have not seen that hour of day in a long, long time. Needless to say, we were a little on edge.

We got there, and I was taken back for an ultrasound. I really enjoyed it because the nurse actually told me what she was seeing. It was nice to have her say something besides, "You'll have to wait for the doctor".

After the ultrasound, Drew and I were taken to another room. We waited for a little bit, and then another nurse came in and told me that I have four good looking follicles! They measure at 15, 20, 21, and 24mm. Awesome!!

The nurse gave me the trigger shot (in my ass!) and sent us on our way. We go back tomorrow for the IUI.

I am so excited. I am praying so hard that this is it and that I'll be pregnant soon.

All Life's A Gamble

Last night, Drew and I made the 2 hour drive to go to Jumer's Casino & Hotel in Rock Island. Our friend Josh's birthday was last weekend, and he decided that he wanted to go to the casino. He planned the trip for Drew's days off, so we went along too.

Now, I've stayed in a lot of hotel rooms in my day. We've traveled a bunch; get your mind out of the gutter! This was one cool hotel room. After dinner, we came back upstairs and they had done a turn down service for us. I love turn down service!
Isn't that wall fun? It was very subtle in person, I'm actually quite surprised that it's as pronounced as it is in the picture. Here's opposite the bed.

This is the door to the bathroom. It slides to the right to open.

Very little privacy!

Now, I'm not usually a fan of an open shower like that. I love having the curtain closed and having all the steam and warmth in there with me. So, I was a little hesitant about it and figured that I would just hate it. Quite the opposite actually. I loved it!!! The entire room got very steamy and warm, especially since I kept that big door closed.

All in all, I loved the room, but only if I was going to be sharing with somebody like Drew. Anybody else, and I probably would have felt a little uncomfortable with the lack of privacy.

How did we do gambling, you ask? Well, I had a hot streak last night. I've only played Blackjack, our game of choice at a casino, a few times. I know the rules, and I know the general logic behind it. We usually sit down at a low minimum bet table, such as $5. I usually only bet $5, maybe $10 if I'm feeling frisky, but that's it. Um, let's just say that I was doing so well that I think that at one point I was betting $35 and $40 a hand. We didn't walk away big winners, but we aren't big losers either, so that equals a great time in my book.

Foreshadowing

I am on day 2 of Clomid. So far so good. I do notice that I have grown incredibly tired throughout this afternoon and evening. I'm not sure if it has to do with the medicine, or if it's related to the fact that I woke up at 8AM this morning when I usually don't get up until 11AM. I had a photo shoot that I did for some friends. I did come home and take a 2 hour nap, but I still feel tired.

Is this a sign of things to come?

Let's Get This Show on the Road

We are finally able to make some progress with the fertility treatments. I started a new cycle yesterday and immediately called the RE.

I am starting out by taking Estradiol today and tomorrow. According to the nurse, this will help prolong my cycle hormonally. I'm assuming that this is due to the days that my cycle is falling on. I start Clomid on Saturday. The doctor has decided to start me out at 100mg. I was actually a little shocked when I found out that I would not be starting at the normal 50mg like most people. The nurse said that the doctor wants to start me at the higher dosage because of the endo and because I've never been pregnant before. I will take Clomid for 5 days. I have an ultrasound scheduled for Monday, November 22. If everything looks ok, and I'm praying that it does, the office will do a trigger shot so that I will ovulate. My IUI is tentatively scheduled for Tuesday, November 23.

I am so anxious. I am praying so hard that this is it, that this is the cycle that I get pregnant.

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like....

CHRISTMAS!!!!!

Ok, well, maybe not quite yet, but it is only 47 days away. Can you believe it? Me neither.

That means that it is time to start thinking about Christmas cards. Drew and I have yet to send out Christmas cards as a couple, but this year, we're gonna do it! I have always loved to receive photo cards from friends and family, so it's only obvious that we should send out photo cards. And we will definitely be ordering them from Shutterfly.

Have you seen their designs this year? They are so cute! I really wish we had some kids to adorn our Christmas card this year because there are so many cute options. Take this one below.
I love me some monograms. And I think it's so neat that there are so many photo spots to put individual photos. Especially if you have some kiddos.

Doesn't this card have the cutest layout ever?!?!

If we had kids, that would definitely be the card that I picked.

You want to go check out their designs now, don't you? Well you can browse their Christmas photo cards by going here.

Maybe you're the type of person that sends actual cards that you can write it. Well, Shutterfly has those too. Check out their collection of Christmas cards here.

And since we're nearing the end of 2010, it's time to think about getting a 2011 calendar. Well, guess what? Shutterfly has those too. Look at the calendars here.

Well, what are you waiting for? Go create your Christmas card!!

Two Year Anniversary

Two years ago, I became a bride and married my best friend. I keep alternating between thoughts of, "Oh wow, two years! I can't believe it's been two years!" and "Only two years! I feel like I have been married for ages to my love."

I am so blessed to have Drew, not only in my life, but as my husband.

Lazy Day in Georgia

Wanna know what we did today?

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing. We have spent the entire day just hanging out and enjoying each other's company. Pure bliss in my book.

Our friends, Rachel and Ryan, recently moved to Georgia. They came over for a little bit in the early afternoon. Jen went to the Auburn/LSU game today, so she's been gone all day. Eric and my Drew went to pick up some steaks and some other stuff for dinner.

Tomorrow is our last day of vacation. Our flight home is at 6:50 PM so we'll have most of the day to say our goodbyes.

A-Maize-ing Day

Today has been a day filled with baby snuggles. I just can't get over how cute little Wes is. He already has so much personality.

We went to Cagle's Farm this evening to go through the corn maze.

Corn cop. To make sure that there was no hanky panky going on in the corn, of course.

Please excuse my face. This is my "my feet are so damn cold" look. Too bad nobody warned me that I should actually wear shoes because it gets kinda chilly in Georgia at night. I blame the locals!

And don't mind Drew next to me wearing shorts and a tshirt. He must be crazy!

After the corn maze, we picked up dinner at a place called Shane's Rib Shack. Seriously, such good barbeque. I spent the entire time I was eating my dinner going, "Mmmm, this is so good".

We've all just been lazying around enjoying each other's company tonight. I love spending time with family!