Friday, December 17, 2010

How To Not Put Your Foot In Your Mouth

I have been doing a lot of serious thinking lately. I've had a few things happen over the past couple of weeks that have made me think about the taboo subject of infertility. I have had a couple of conversations with close friends that have made me want to speak out. I realize that this is not an easy thing for anybody. It's certainly not easy for me, and I've come to realize that it's not easy for the people in my life.

I was talking to a close friend of mine, and we were airing a couple of grievances that we had. I told her that I was really upset because it doesn't seem like she cares about me or my treatments because she never asks about them. I mean, I have people that I'm not nearly as close to who ask more frequently. And it's not like what I'm going through is a secret. She paused for a minute. She then told me that she was really sorry, but she didn't always know what to say. Now, let me just tell you, this girl can talk and is hardly at a loss for words. I never suspected that she wouldn't know what to say. But it makes sense now.

Unless you've had the unfortunate experience of infertility, a person can't possibly understand what is involved. And I'm sure it's difficult to try to say something when you have no knowledge of the subject. That would be like me trying to talk about aircraft maintenance. Ain't going to happen!

But, you're in luck! I'm here to save you from yourself. It is so easy to say something that you think that help and be supportive, but it really does just suck. Point blank, it sucks
  1. "My friend's brother's wife's cousin's sister saw this doctor and she got pregnant right away." - Thank you. I would just love to go to another doctor to run more tests that may or may not have already been done. Not to mention the time that it will take to get in for an appointment at that new doctor.
  2. "You should take a vacation!" - Is there a Fertility Island that I don't know about?
  3. "It'll happen if you just relax" - Been there, done that. I even did the acupuncture to try and relax.
  4. "Maybe you should think about adoption." - I, in no way, look down on adoption. And adoption may very well be a path that we have to pursue. However, I do NOT want it suggested to me before I am ready to consider it. Adoption is not an "easy fix" to infertility. It takes a long time and a lot of money to adopt a child. We're talking two or more years and tens of thousands of dollars. You are not even guaranteed a child at the end. There is nothing to say that the birth mother won't change her mind.
  5. "You do know how to have sex, right?" - Wait! You mean that I can't get pregnant by swallowing?!? Well, damn. My husband won't be happy about that one.

And there are about a gabillion more, but I'll spare you. Do you want to know what TO say to somebody who is struggling with infertility. "I'm sorry that you have to go through this." "I'm hear to listen anytime you need to talk/cry/vent/yell/whatever."

There are a couple of infertility blogs that I read that really help to make me laugh through the tears.

Busted Plumbing - Kate just welcomed a beautiful baby boy into this world. She had a very difficult infertility journey and her humor is wonderful!

999 Reasons to Laugh at Infertility - This blog makes me laugh with practically every post!

There are many, many more, but these are two that I follow right now. I really hope that this has helped when it comes to talking to someone who struggles with infertility.

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