Thursday, December 9, 2010

Failure

I am so heartbroken to announce that I am not pregnant.

I went in Tuesday for a blood draw and received the call that afternoon. I honestly didn't have too high of hopes because I had already tested with an at home pregnancy test and it came up negative.

I'm numb.

I remember feeling so confident two weeks ago that this was going to work. I remember thinking that we would be able to make an announcement at Christmas that we were going to be parents. I remember feeling hopeful.

Now, I just feel pain.

It is so hard to keep trying for something month after month and keeping seeing that stupid no. It is so hard to want and desire something so badly that you can't obtain. There are two friends on Facebook who have very recently had babies, and while I am so overjoyed for them because they have had a long struggle, it's so difficult to see the pictures. I want that joy that they are feeling.

I have to take a break this cycle because the doctor's office doesn't do any treatments in December. That means at least two more times of getting miserably sick. I hate this.

1 comment:

Becky said...

Sorry to hear that Tania :( While Sean and I didn't go through IUI we did go to an infertility doctor before we got pregnant with our son. It was a frustrating 2 1/2 years and I feel your pain. I had several calls from them telling me I wasn't pregnant before I called them to tell them I had a positive urine pregnancy test!! Try to stop thinking about it so much and relax (I know it is hard!) but it will happen when you least expect it.