Friday, February 11, 2011

Until Death Do Us Part

Those 5 words.  They hold quite a lot, don't they?  I know that Drew and I said them to each other on our wedding day.  The day that we stood in front of our families, our friends, and GOD and confessed our love for each other and our desire to stay with each other UNTIL DEATH DO US PART.  The traditional wedding vows contain that phrase and most couples say them to each other on their wedding day.

So, what happens along the way where people forget that promise?  How can they forget the day that they promised each other the greatest promise that will ever leave their lips?  What goes wrong?

I know that Drew and I haven't been married for very long.  In fact, in the grand scheme of life, we've barely made a blip in the line.  However, divorce is NOT an option for us!!!  I am adamant about this.  We were very clear to lay that out on the table before he even asked for my hand in marriage.  The only thing that could happen that would cause me to divorce my husband is if he started beating on me or my child.  That's it.  Physical harm would be the only case where divorce would be brought into the possible solutions.  I can also promise that there would be many bills to a therapist before any decision was made.

Drew and I had a discussion the other day about couples and divorce.  I told him that I could never imagine another partner in my life but him.  We have been through so much together.  How could anyone possibly take his place?  How could things ever get so bad that we forget to put our love and marriage first.

I have made it known that our marriage will come first in our lives.  Even after we have children, our marriage will take precedence.  I fully believe that if you don't have a good marriage, you can't be good parents.  Children need to be raised in a home where they see their parents loving and respecting one another.  If they don't see that, the children will not respect the parents, their peers, or even their future mates.  The children will learn that the behavior they see their parents display is acceptable and will emulate that in their lives.  Now, if one parent constantly disrespects the other, the child will pick up on that behavior and carry it into their subsequent relationships.  Drew and I will be taking the time out of lives to put our marriage first when children come into the picture.  We will have date nights and vacations alone, as a couple.  I fully believe that this is of the utmost importance.

I also wonder, what makes people so selfish in a relationship.  A relationship, a marriage, is about two people working together.  It takes two people to give, two people to compromise, two people to put effort into growing and building the relationship.  Why do people put habits, or material things, in front of their marriage?  Drew chews, and I hate it, with a passion.  I hate to look at him when he has that stupid lump in his lip.  He looks extremely unattractive and it's a gross habit.  If I were to tell Drew that it bothered me that badly, he would stop.  He would no longer chew if it meant saving our marriage.  However, I don't think that I'd be so selfish to end my marriage over something so stupid.  And he would whole-heartedly agree.  There was a time when we used to sleep with an extra blanket on top of the bed.  After making the bed in the morning, I would just throw the blanket in a wad somewhere on the bottom corner of the bed.  Drew told me one day that it really bothered him that I didn't fold it.  I never knew he actually cared that much.  Ever since that day, the blanket was neatly folded and placed on the end of bed.  Simple things that each person can do in a relationship to make life better for the other.

Drew and I don't have a perfect relationship.  Nobody does.  We quarrel.  We bicker.  We nit pick at each other.  But at the end of day?  We love each other.  We respect each other.  We love and respect one another when we're alone, and in front of other people too.  I know that I have called Drew out on some of his dumb moves, and have made them public.  Drew has managed to get two speeding tickets in the six months that we've owned the Acadia.  When I posted it on Facebook, the other Drew called me out and told me to quit throwing him under the bus.  I never call Drew out maliciously.  Was I a little angry when he got home?  I sure was.  But, I'm also quite sarcastic, and whatever gets posted publicly is always for a laugh and never in anger or disrespect.  He knows that.  Drew knows that any feelings that I have that are negative or angry are for us, behind closed doors. 

I've sort of gone off the beaten path on this post.  My point, is that marriage is a covenant that is entered into until death.  It is the biggest promise that you make to your spouse.  If you can't honor that, how can you expect your spouse to trust anything that you ever say again?  I urge you to look into your marriage and see if there are things that can be done to love and respect your spouse more.  Remember that it takes two people in a relationship, both putting forth effort.

1 comment:

Dana said...

My husband and I feel the same way. We dated for so long before getting married, that ending this relationship in divorce is NOT an option.