This past week was National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW). I've been struggling with whether I wanted to write something about it or not. You see, to most people, I have a child and therefore I've beaten infertility. While that is correct, there is still a lot more to it. I may have finally gotten my miracle in my snowbaby daughter, the big question now is, "What next?"
Drew has always said to me that he wants five children. I don't know if he says that to make my eyeballs bug out of my head, or if he actually does want five kids. But I do know that he would like more than one. I always said that I wanted two or three children. I understand that it's all up to God and He gets to decide how many children we are blessed with. I would like to have more though. So, the big question remains. Am I still infertile? Or am I now considered fertile since I have a child?
I think that the definition can vary for different people. I was infertile because of my endometriosis. There are many other reasons that a person can be infertile, and there is also unexplained infertility. It's a very complicated matter! I was told prior to getting pregnant that I had a good chance of my endometriosis going away, or at the very least stop growing while I was pregnant. Unfortunately, my endo did not go away while I was pregnant. Now that my periods have returned, I still have the same pain. Bummer! Since the pain has come back and I know that my endo is still there, the big question remains. Will I ever be able to get pregnant on my own?
Frankly, I don't know. Drew and I decided that we are going to give it a try. We aren't in the position at this moment to do another frozen transfer, so we certainly aren't hurting anything by trying again. I can tell you this though, all of those old infertile feelings of insecurity and pain have definitely resurfaced. I think that once you struggle with infertility, it's something that stays with you for your entire life. I will never forget all of the pain and tears and struggles of the long year and a half that we struggled to conceive. To me, I don't think that I belong in the fertile category now. I still have endometriosis, which put me in the infertile category. I think that I won the battle at the time of infertility, but I still think that infertility is a war that is made up of a bunch of battles. Infertiles battle with their own feelings of inadequacy every day. While some may have their children, it's still not easy to see others achieve that dream so easily.
I was always very open with my infertility journey. I wanted to be a voice for those struggling in silence. Did you know that 1 in 8 couples struggle with infertility? Chances are someone you know has suffered or is suffering. I will continue to be a voice for those who suffer. Just because I may have a child, doesn't mean that I'm cured, or that I've forgotten where I was.