Mortified

I had my uterine lining biopsy today and it was awful.  Just plain awful!  Let's start at the beginning, shall we.

Like an idiot, I didn't take any tylenol or anything before my appointment.  This shall now be known as "mistake #1".  Drew and I were called back into the exam and I undressed.  The RE came in and began the procedure.  First, he swabbed my cervix with some iodine stuff.  Not bad, I just felt a little poking around, nothing bad at all.  Then, he used a tool that sort of resembled what he uses to do the IUIs.  He inserted it and I felt a little cramping.  I was just trying to breathe through the whole thing.  Then, the RE mumbles something to the nurse, who was holding my hand, and she lets go and grabs something out of the cabinet.  It's a package and it sure looked like some long bladed scissors.  Drew later confirmed this.  RE then inserts the new tool and HOLY HELL THAT FREAKING HURTS!!!!!  And cramps!!!!  Nurse tells me that it's almost over and so I lay there and wait.

And wait.

And wait.

Lying liar!  It was at least another 30 seconds or so before it was over, and when you're in pain, 30 seconds is a long time.  The RE put the specimen in a container that the nurse was holding and I can see a few small flecks in there.  I then heard him say that it was probably enough.  Good thing, doc, because you certainly weren't going to go back in for Round 2!!

The RE removed all of his fun tools and the nurse told me to just lay there for a minute until the pain goes away.  As I laid there, she told me that my results would be back on Tuesday or Wednesday.  I asked her what I do if my period shows up before then and she said that it shouldn't, but to call her if it does.  I was still pretty crampy at this point, but I really wanted to go home and take some tylenol and lay on the couch.  So, I start to get up and get dressed.  This shall now be known as "mistake #2".  Once dressed, the nurse walked us out to the area of the office where you make your next appointment.  I started to feel very warm and very light-headed, so I told Drew that I needed to sit down.  Everybody starts to go into panic mode and the nurse gets me some water.  Then, I said that I felt like I was going to throw up.  I really didn't want to throw up.  I willed myself not to throw up.  It didn't matter.  I threw up.  In the middle of the office, I threw up.

I. was. mortified.

I felt a lot better after that.  After laying there for a few minutes, I put my jacket on and Drew helped me to the car.  The entire time I'm walking out of that office, I'm just apologizing profusely.  I was so embarrassed, but the nurse just kept reassuring me that it was okay.

We came home, I took some Aleve, ate some banana bread, and promptly fell asleep.

At this point, all I can say, is that those darn results better come back okay.  I'm certainly not going through that again!