Tonight, my heart is heavy. It's so hard to form words for how I feel after the events that have transpired today. How do you talk about a classroom of kindergartners that had their lives ripped from them? How do you talk about the adults in that school that lost their lives trying to protect young ones? How do you talk about all the grieving that is being done in the town of Newtown, Connecticut?
I didn't learn about the shooting until around noon today. I instantly turned on the news and stayed glued to it for most of the day. I watched Annelise playing on the floor and cried. Tears flowed from my eyes as I imagined the pain that those families must be feeling. But, I can't imagine. I can't imagine the pain of losing my child. I can't imagine sending my child to school only to learn that I would never see them again.
Before Drew and I had Annelise, I would often question my decision to have kids. I asked Drew on multiple occasions if it was fair to bring children into the crazy, messed up world that we live in. It hurt me to think that my children would grow up with events like what happened today at Sandy Hook Elementary going on around them. It hurts me to think that, one day, my child could be involved in a senseless act of violence. As a parent, I'm supposed to protect my child. I'm supposed to shield her and keep her safe. How can I do that if she's not even safe at school?
My prayers go out to the people of Newtown, and all of those affected by this hateful crime. My prayers go out to all of those who are forced to remember other crimes of the past. Most importantly, my prayers go out to those who lost their lives today. I pray for healing, not only for the victim's families, but healing for those who could commit crimes like these in the future. We need these tragedies to end. We need peace. We need love.