Second Shooting

When I first decided to take the plunge and start my photography business, I swore up and down and around in circles that I would never, ever, EVER shoot a wedding.  I was a bride once, and I remember how important those pictures were to me.  I remember that I didn't meet my wedding photographer until the day before the wedding, and Drew told me not to worry because "he shoots for Sports Illustrated and National Geographic".  I remember the panic that I had because those aren't even remotely close to wedding at all.  However, my fears were ridiculous and Brad did an even better job than I could have ever imagined.

But, I still know how important those images are.  I remember walking up the next morning and realizing that I could hardly remember the day before.  I wanted to see my pictures so badly so that I could try to arouse some of my memory of that day.  We received our pictures a few weeks later and I loved being able to walk through that day as I scrolled through the images.

I always said that I never wanted to be a wedding photographer.  A wedding photographer gets one chance to nail the shot.  The first kiss as husband and wife?  That only happens once!  The moment when they are announced as husband and wife and they beam with love and joy?  That only happens once!

What if I were their photographer and someone walked in front of me during one of those big moments?  What if I didn't meter correctly and my image was blown out or too dark?  What if my focus was off?  What if my camera suddenly decided it hated me and died?  What if I missed their big moment and they had no image to look back on and smile in joy and remembrance?

I just couldn't take that pressure!

So, I swore that I would never photograph weddings.  And I stand by that.

But then, I was talking to Kristen, the photographer who has done all of our photos since my maternity photos.  She asked me if I would ever be interested in second shooting with her.  I told her that I would entertain the idea, as long as I was not responsible for all the important images.  We discussed it a little bit and she asked me to second shoot with her at a wedding in the beginning of October.  I've been a little terrified thinking of it, but knew that it was still a ways off.

Then, she messaged me earlier this week.  She asked me if I was available to second shoot with her this weekend.  My heart leaped into my throat and I panicked.  I didn't have hardly any time to prepare, but she reassured me that she would take care of the hard stuff and that I was there for all the peripherals.  So, I agreed.

And that's how I second shot my first wedding yesterday.  I was so terrified as I drove there.  Of course, once I took out my camera and started shooting, all the anxiety started to melt away.  I know how to use my camera.  (The flash is a different story!)  I just relied on what I knew and gave my best effort.

I quickly skimmed through my images before I sent them over to Kristen and they weren't awful.  There were a bunch of pretty good ones.  There were also a bunch of pretty crappy ones, but hey, it was my first time shooting in that situation!  I definitely learned a lot and will need to work on improving.  I had such a great time second shooting and I actually really, really want to do many more. Of course, it was awesome to get out of the house for a while!

Now today, I have the biggest blisters on my feet from wearing brand new shoes and being on my feet more than I have in a long time.  Next time, I definitely won't be wearing new shoes!

Kid Mansion

I've been trying to take Annelise to the park at least once a week this summer.  I've noticed that she really, really enjoys going down slides.  She also likes the swings.  I started hunting for a slide for the backyard for her.  I'd like to have the option to take her in the yard to play if we're limited on time.  But, whenever I take her back there to play, she always just wants to climb on the deck stairs. I'm not a fan of that activity.

So, I began searching the internet for something to entertain her.  I first thought about just buying a new slide.  But, I knew that I wanted to get a decent sized slide so that we could enjoy it for longer than a week before she got bored with it.  The one that I found was around $100.  Not too shabby, but I felt like I could do better.

Then, I started looking at the outdoor playhouse type toys.  They were bigger, and definitely fit my requirement that they would keep her entertained for longer, but, of course, they also came at a price.  Those ran anywhere from $200-600, depending on the size and features.  I didn't really want to go that crazy either.

So, I took to Facebook to see if anyone was selling a slide.  No one was, but my aunt did suggest that I check out Craig's List.  I swear, I really do hope that one day I get my brain back, because I miss it.  I never even thought to look there.

I searched CL for a couple of days and found one that I liked.  I was able to talk the lady down in price a little bit, and we went and picked it up tonight.  As soon as we got home, we Drew assembled it.  Annelise could hardly wait for us to finish.

Behold, her new kid mansion!

It's a little faded from being out in the sun, but it's still in great shape!  I'm just going to let her play on it like this for the rest of this year, and then maybe fix it up and spray paint it some better colors next spring.

She had such a great time playing on it tonight!  I just love seeing the excitement on her face as she explores a new toy.  I'm excited to take her out there next time and see her face light up when she sees it again.  There really is nothing better than watching the world through the eyes of a child.

Cycle Games

I had mentioned previously that Drew and I have decided that we are ready to expand our family again, and add another child.  If you remember, we still have two frozen embryos waiting patiently for us.  We started trying on our own right around Annelise's first birthday.  I knew that I didn't want to get pregnant before she was a year old, and I honestly wasn't even really ready to think about it until around then.  Plus, the nurse practitioner at my OB's office said that it was best to give my body a year of time to heal.  And, if we're continuing on all the reasons why I really wanted to wait, it was important to me to breastfeed for at least a year and I didn't want to compromise that by getting pregnant again.

I have been charting my cycles since the beginning of the year, and I am beyond frustrated with my body at this point.  I'm not going super crazy charting like I did when I first started charting back in 2010.  Then, I tracked my temperature, used OPKs, and tried to make a note of my CM.  This time, I'm keeping an eye on my CM, and if the mood strikes me, I'll occasionally test an OPK.  Some months get more OPK action than others.  Mainly, I'm frustrated with the length of each cycle.  I keep bouncing around from 26 days to 30 days to 36 days back to 28 days, and everything in between!

This cycle?  26 days!  I never even felt a cramp or like I was going to get my period at all.  It just showed up out of the blue, completely ruining the plans that I had to go to the beach.  Like all, "Hey, let me ruin your life one more time".

How the heck can I expect to make a baby, if I can't even make a semi-educated guess as to when I'm going to ovulate?  And with a 26 day cycle, something is seriously messed up in the ovulation department.  Either I'm ovulating super early, or my luteal phase is all sorts of messed up.  If it's my luteal phase, that leads to a whole other level of problems that need to be addressed.

I keep wondering if I should call my RE and talk to him about my super wonky cycles.  I had a consultation with him back in June about getting the ball rolling on our next frozen transfer.  He told me that since it's been more than 18 months since I've been there, we have to redo all of our initial blood work, and I have to have a Saline Infusion Sonogram (SIS) done.  That is done to check my uterus for any polyps, parts of placenta that might be leftover, or any other crap that may have surfaced since my last pregnancy that would be bad news for a new pregnancy.  I'm not stoked about having to do all of that over again, but I can't argue.  And, I'm pretty sure that if I call him and talk to him about my cycles, that he's just going to say that there's nothing he can do without doing blood work first.

Drew and I have a high deductible insurance plan, so rather than having to pay the deductible twice, assuming that the thaw and transfer is successful, we just planned on waiting until January to start all of the testing.  Hence, us trying on our own.  I really don't put my hopes too high on it, because it didn't work for us for the year and a half that we tried before doing IVF.  But, I still pray about it.  And, I guess that I'm lying when I say that I don't get my hopes up too high, because I still cry every month when my period arrives, just like before.  Ahhhh, nothing like infertility to make you feel broken and worthless.

But, there is a small bit of good news in all of this.  I have been relatively pain free since my periods have returned after giving birth.  I consistently take pain meds in the morning and before bed for the first couple of days, and I always have the heating pad close by in case I start to feel bad.  But, it has been managed very well, and I haven't felt too hindered by it.  I do notice that they are usually pretty heavy, and that's also related to the endometriosis.  It's definitely a relief to not have the pain that I used to experience.

Parades and Homecomings

Today was a very exciting day for us!  This morning, my friend, Heather, and her daughter, Anya, came over to visit and play.  Heather and I met while we were both going through infertility treatments. Similarly, we both have snowbabies for daughters.  Heather and her family live in towards Chicago, but, we both did our IVF procedures at the same clinic.  (My doctor is located here in town, but we are sent into Chicago for the retrieval and transfer.)  Anya is 19 months, and Annelise just turned 16 months, so they are very close in age.

Anya and Annelise spent some time playing, and sharing some goldfish that Heather brought as a gift for Annelise.  After a little bit of playing, I thought I heard some bagpipes playing.  I went and looked out the window, and remembered that a parade would be going by.  Our little hick town had a corn boil today, and a parade always kicks off the festivities.  Before Annelise, I was either working, or just dragging my lazy butt out of bed.  Last year Annelise was still pretty young, so we didn't bother walking down to it.  Today though, I thought that both girls would love to see it.  And, it just so happened to be Anya's first parade too.

We quickly put some shoes on the girls and walked down to the end of the street.  The girls ran around in our neighbor's yard until the parade came by.

At first, everything was great and the girls really seemed to be enjoying it.  But then, the firetrucks came by and started blowing their horns.

Poor little Annelise was terrified!  She turned and grabbed onto Heather and Anya as tight as she could and just held on!  Notice how she didn't let go of the sucker though.  Haha!

The parade was over roughly five minutes after it started.  Our little hick town really knows how to throw a party!  Heather and I took the girls back inside the house and sat them on the couch to get their picture together.

Of course, they had their suckers.  Don't they look like they are gossiping with each other?  I hope that they can be good friends as they grow older.

Heather and Anya left around noon because both girls needed a nap.  I put Annelise down right away.  Once she woke up, she ate lunch, and then we only had about two hours to waste until it was time to go pick up Drew from the bus station!  That's right, Drew came home today!!!

Annelise and I were waiting for him at the bus station when the bus arrived.  We had made a "welcome home" sign for him.  Once Drew had gotten his bag, he walked over and Annelise almost acted like she couldn't believe he was really home.  A guy who had seen us and the sign tapped Drew on the shoulder and told him that he was "quite a lucky man".  I agree!  We got everything loaded in the car and stopped at the corn boil on the way home for some dinner.

After we ate, we came back to the house and Drew had gotten us girls some gifts from Portland.

Drew got Annelise her very first jewelry box.  She kept looking at it and turning it all around.  I really think she liked it.  Drew got me a Pandora bracelet with a charm from Portland and a charm with Annelise's birthstone.  He said that he thinks it will be fun to add charms from places that we travel together.  How adorable of him to think of that!

We are all so glad to finally be back together again.

Getting Crafty

I asked Rachel earlier today what she wanted to do today, and she said that she was feeling crafty and wanted to make something.  While Annelise was napping, she browsed through Pinterest and decided that she wanted to make one of those melted crayon art canvases.  I decided that I finally wanted to make something to hang all of Annelise's bows on.  (I didn't work on that project tonight, I was finishing up something else.)  I figured that today would be a good time to see if Annelise would like to do something crafty too.  

I remembered seeing on Pinterest a project for kids where you put some finger paint inside of a baggie and let the kids have some fun with it.  So, I decided to try that out.  I figured that it would be perfect for my child who must-put-all-things-in-her-mouth still, and it would be perfect for mom who gets-twitchy-when-messes-get-out-of-control-because-it's-bad-for-my-OCD.  

It held her attention for a little bit, but much shorter than I hoped for.  I think that it was a great project to use to introduce her to crafty art type things.  I'm hoping that in a couple more months, she'll like to do more art stuff.  I'm not artistic in the least, but she may be, and it'll be good to expose her to that stuff.

Being More

I always knew that I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom.  From very early on, even when I was going to college to get my degree, I knew that I probably wasn't going to use it much and that it would just be a piece of paper on the wall.  I've just always felt called to be a mom and to stay home with my children.

I have so enjoyed being able to be with Annelise and watch her grow and learn.  I have gotten to witness every single one of her firsts.  I love knowing that the skills that she is learning, and has learned, are because of the hard work and dedication that I have put in to teaching her.  My heart swells with joy as she points out the right body parts that I call out.  She uses the handful of sign language signs that she knows so well, and she understands that that is how she communicates.  I have spent so much time signing over and over for her to understand the meaning and repeat the sign back.  It is so rewarding to see her connect the two and use the sign properly.

As much as I love being home with her, I still feel like I'm missing something.  I have talked to Drew about this extensively and he keeps pushing me to go get a job.  I just don't feel like that will solve the feelings that I have.  I told him that I'm going to go from one small little dictator telling me what to do, to one big dictator telling me what to do.  I don't need another person to be a boss to be.  I'm sure that these feelings come from the past two jobs that I've held where my bosses have been women, and power tripping ones at that.  I would constantly be talked down to and berated for the way that I handled situations.  I handled them in a perfectly appropriate manner, they just may not have necessarily been exactly the way that my boss would have handled them, and for that, I was reprimanded.  I never felt appreciated either.  I worked very hard at both of my jobs, and very rarely did I ever receive a "thank you" or a pat on the back.  I strongly believe that bosses should do both for their employees.

As much as I love being home with Annelise, I need to spend some time away.  I spend practically every single second with her.  I don't think it's healthy for either of us.  I can see that Annelise is very clingy, and she gets anxious when she can't see me.  She has a definite preference for me most of the time.  And I never get a chance to miss her when I am with her all of the time.  I can feel my sanity waning.

Annelise is definitely a toddler in every sense of the word now.  She can be sweet and loving, rambunctious and playful, and trying and difficult.  Some days, the trying and difficult part feel like they consume the day.  I have been working so hard to maintain some patience, and to speak in a way that is positive rather than filling her day with "no".  But, when I never get a break away from her to collect myself and rejuvenate my sanity, it gets hard.

A couple of months ago, I went to an antique store with a girlfriend of mine.  We even brought the kids along.  I swear, I was on a high for the rest of the day.  Just the simple act of hanging out with another girl and having some chit chat and shopping, was amazing.  I could not wipe the smile off of my face.  And then, when we went to the zoo a couple of weeks ago, I turned to Drew as we were walking out and told him that I felt so happy and that we needed to do things like that more often.  Getting out of our routine, being in a new place, and seeing Annelise so happy and excited made me really enjoy life again.

Frankly, I haven't been enjoying life much.  I'm stuck in this rut of loneliness with a toddler who tests my patience on an hourly basis.  Drew leaving for Portland could not have come at a worse time.  I had made plans for me, and a couple for him and I, to get out and enjoy life.  Of course, they all had to be cancelled.  I needed these plans to maintain my sanity.  I needed to get out of my routine of everyday life and be more than just a mom.  I feel like that is the only label that I have.  It's not that I don't love being a mom, but I feel like there needs to be more to me.

Work Trips

Earlier this afternoon, Drew left for two weeks for a work trip in Portland.  I'm stressed and annoyed.  This work trip could not come at a worse time.  We were given four days notice and I had to cancel and rearrange a bunch of plans.  I'm trying really hard not to be bitter about how this trip came about, but it's difficult.  This is the kind of stuff that was pulled when Drew was with his old employer, except that it was even less notice.  It's one thing when it was just Drew and me, but we have a daughter now.  I know that lots of families have traveling spouses, and at the end of the day, two weeks really isn't that big of a deal. 

I'm praying that these two weeks fly by quickly.  Pray for me folks, I'm going to need it!

A New Basement Floor (Again)

A little over two years ago, Drew and I decided that it was time to do something with the hideous mess that was our basement, and give it a face lift.  I gave a little video tour of the before here.

I suck at follow up apparently, because I never did an after.  Honestly, we never completely finished it. It was done, and workable, but not completely.  My small studio is down there, and some workout equipment.

A couple of weeks ago, I was doing a video tour of our house to show some friends, and I included the basement.  As I was taping and walking across the basement floor, I noticed that it squished as I walked across it.  The boards also looked a little warped.  Not so good!

My first thought was that water had come in through the french doors and underneath the flooring.  We replaced the old door last summer when we were doing all of the exterior repairs, and put in a new door that opened on both sides.

I told Drew when we got home that evening about the squishy floors and he immediately went downstairs to investigate.  Much to our surprise, the water did not come from the door, but from our water heater.  I guess that the bottom decided to no longer hold the water that it was supposed to, and instead, leak it all over our floor.

Here you can see how warped the floor boards were.  If you walked closer to the door, which is behind me in the picture, you could actually squish water up between the boards.  My heart sort of broke when I realized how much damage had been done.

Drew got to work the next day calling the insurance company.  They immediately sent out a restoration company to start quoting us prices for clean up and repair.  The man that came determined that about the half of the large room and a small portion of the hallway had been damaged.  Thankfully, the water had not gotten into the drywall or underneath the bathroom floor.

Drew and his dad decided that they could do all of the clean up and repair themselves, and worked out all of the details with the insurance company.  We have replaced the water heater, and the floors are almost done now.

This is the current state of my basement.  But, the floors are down!  We've decided to run the floor boards in the other direction than what we originally laid them.  We thought that we could get away with not putting a break in the room.  We did notice, before we noticed the water damage, that some of the boards were separating.  We think that had to do with how large of an area we laid.  The company recommends that you not have an area greater than 16 feet, I think, without doing a break.  So, we decided to put a break in the floor this time.  Not ideal, but we think that it will keep the boards nicer for longer.

Drew also decided that he really wanted to create a tile entryway at the doors.

The transition pieces still need to be installed, but this is the tile.  It is the same tile that is on the bathroom floor.

Here is a close up of the new floor, which obviously still needs to be cleaned.  This new floor is the same one that we bought last time.  However, we noticed that the color is a little browner than the old stuff.  If you look at the damaged floor above, you can see that it's redder.  It wasn't that red in real life, some of it is crappy photo lighting, but it was definitely redder than this new stuff.  Strange.

It shouldn't be too much longer before we are finished.  We've already talked about buying some area rugs to warm the space up.  Drew's ultimate goal was to have a TV with surround sound and nice furniture.  I'm not sure if we're going to get that far, but I'll update as we go.

4th Of July Party

Today, we drove to Eric's parent's house in a small town that's a little over an hour from us for Wesley's birthday party.  We left around 11 so that Annelise would fall asleep and nap on the way there.  We were about 10 minutes away from the house when I realized that I forgot my camera.  We turned back around to go get it, and figured that, at the very least, it bought us an extra half hour of nap time.  I had hoped that I could put Annelise in the pack and play that Wes sleeps in with her sound machine and that she would nap longer, but she woke up as soon as I started taking her out of her carseat.  Usually, she'll fall right back to sleep once I put her in her crib, but this time everything was unfamiliar and she just wasn't having it.  She cried as soon as I laid her down.  I tried to rock her for a little bit, but she was awake.  I just prayed that she would be in a semi-decent mood for the rest of the day.

Jess did a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse theme for Wes' party and she had some amazing decorations.

This was the dessert table and the centerpieces.  Cute, right?

I bought this cute pillowcase dress at an antique store a couple of months ago.  It's really long on her right now, but I'm excited that she'll be able to wear it for a couple of years before she outgrows it.

Ahhhh, these two!  Melt my heart!  I can't wait to watch them grow up.

The kids seriously swarmed the cotton candy machine.  Jess walked out and said that you would have thought they were handing out $100 bills with how excited everyone was.  I'm sure that there would have been some more excited adults if they were handing out $100 bills!

Annelise tried some, against my better judgement, but she didn't really like it.  That was just fine with me!

Seriously though, I love that sweet face more than words can describe.

We decided not to stay with everyone to watch the fireworks and headed home.  I knew that Annelise wouldn't last too late given her crappy nap.  Drew was a little bummed that we weren't able to go to the fireworks.  I'm hoping that next year we can plan to take her.

Water Baby

Rachel and I went birthday present shopping for Wes yesterday, and while we were at the store, we happened to wander by the pools.  We picked up the cutest little pool with a slide that we thought Annelise would just love.

When Drew got home, he inflated it for us, and that should have been our first indication that it wouldn't last long in our house!  We let Annelise play with it in the living room, without water, for a little bit before she had to go to bed.

Today, while she was eating lunch, I filled up multiple buckets of water and filled up her pool for her to play in.

Look at that little tongue trying to drink the water!  Ha!

Like I said, she loves to climb and slide right now.

She's also a fan of stealing Maya's ball to get her to play.

When Drew got home from work tonight, he went outside to check out his garden.  Annelise saw the pool again, and wanted to play in it again.  She we just let play in it naked since I really didn't want to go inside and try to put a cold, wet swimming suit on her.  She had a great time!

Then, we all came inside to eat dinner and wind down for bed.  Drew went back outside later that evening to turn off the water on the garden, and discovered that Maya had popped both the slide and the pool.  Dumb dog!!!  It barely lasted 24 hours!  Hopefully I can find her another pool with a slide that is plastic instead of inflatable.  I should have known better!

We Visited A Zoo

Drew and I decided to take Annelise to the zoo today.  She really likes the few animals that she's been around, so I figured that she would really enjoy going to the zoo and seeing a bunch of different ones.  She had a great time, and I loved seeing her reaction to the animals.

We decided to go to Madison to Henry Vilas Zoo.  It's a smaller zoo, but it was perfect for us.  We only had a couple of hours before it would be time for Annelise to have a nap.  We were able to see a small, but decent amount of animals, and leave before we had a meltdown due to a delayed nap.

Are you kidding me with the size of those paws!!!

This was her reaction to most of the animals.  She loved them!

We're waiting in line to ride the train.

After the train ride, we went inside a little building to ride the carousal.  She kept signing "more" as we were waiting for the train because she could see it inside the building.

She's looking at some Meerkats.

Then, Annelise got a National Geographic lesson.

Um, yeah.  Drew went to go find the bathroom, so I took Annelise through the amphibian building that you can see behind the fence in the background.  Once I came out of the building, I heard this honking noise.  I walked around the corner and saw the male tortoise climbing on top of the female and honking at her, quite loudly.  I heard all of the parents of older children tell their kids that they were hugging.  Ha!

I can't wait to take her to the zoo again.  Hopefully later this summer.

Playing and Discovering

We took a little break from play excursions on Tuesday and Wednesday.  On Thursday, Jess and Wesley came with Annelise and me to Kindermusik class.  Once Wes warmed up, he had a pretty good time.  Annelise, however, was pretty clingy.  This has been interesting to me because she was pretty darn social during the spring semester.  I think that she got used to seeing the kids that she knew, grew comfortable with them, and interacted with them more.  Also, she's the youngest kid in this first summer session.  I'm wondering if that has something to do with it.  She almost acts intimidated by the older children.  She seems to be drawn to babies, or at least children her age or slightly younger, a lot more than she is drawn to older kids.  Yesterday was our last class for the first summer session, so I'm curious to see how the second session plays out.

Today, Eric, Jessica, and I took Wesley and Annelise to Discovery Center.  Both kids had a great time! We started out in the water area, and my kid probably would have been happy as a clam if we had just left her there to play all day.

I had to put her paci in her mouth so that she would stop putting all of the water toys in her mouth.  Please tell me that the "I've got to put everything in my mouth" phase will be over soon!!!

She noticed the stuffed dog sitting there and got the biggest, cheesiest grin on her face.  It was absolutely adorable!  And, notice the baby doll in her hand.  She's pretty obsessed with them.  In fact, whenever the teacher in Kindermusik pulled out her doll to do demonstrations for the class, Annelise always stole it away from her.

Jessica told Wes to take Annelise over and show her the train.  So he grabbed her hand and started pulling her over there.  She obliged and followed right along.  Melt my heart!

Annelise loves anything that she can climb up or down or slide on right now.

She's signing "more" because she wanted to swing on the swing with me again.

We left at about 1:15, which, if you're keeping track, is about two hours after her nap time.  I don't know how the kid was still functioning as well as she was.  She crashed hard on the way home and slept for 4 1/2 hours!!!  Her longest nap ever!

After she woke up, and Drew got home from work, we went over to his parent's house to have dinner and hang out.

She loved the little red rocking chair.  Pretty sure she's yelling at me to stop taking pictures.  Ha!

I wanted to try and get a nice picture of the cousins together.

Eric and Jess leave to go visit Eric's parents for a week tomorrow.  We'll be heading to meet up with them there on the 4th for Wesley's birthday party.