Journey To Together

32 Weeks: Growth Scan

2012-02-02T22:09:00.001-06:00

Today, we had a growth scan at my doctor's appointment. The little lady has been head down for every ultrasound, and yesterday, I know she was head down because I felt her have hiccups four times and each time I felt them down low. But, wouldn't you know, she has decided to flip and is now breeched. Oh joy! I'm not too worried about it at this point because I know that she still has quite a bit of time to flip back around.

The ultrasound tech took some measurements, and let us know that she is about 3 pounds 15 ounces. I know to take this number as a grain of salt, because it's usually wrong. She is in the 37th percentile right now.

The tech tried to take some 3D pictures since we didn't really get any good ones a couple of weeks ago, but again, we have a stubborn little lady on our hands. She had her arms and legs in front of her face the whole time. She's obviously camera shy!

After the ultrasound, Drew and I met with the doctor. We talked about a c-section since she is breeched. Basically, I have another ultrasound at 36 weeks to see if she has flipped, and also one at 38 weeks. If she remains breech, I'll have a c-section on March 19th. If she turns, my doctor will check me at my 38 week appointment, and if I am dilated at all, he will induce me. If I am not dilated, he will let me go and check me again when he gets back from vacation.

It makes it very real to have a potential end date. I know that she can still come any time between now and then, but it's still very surreal to have a possible birthday for this little lady.

At our childbirth class tonight, we got a tour of the labor and delivery floor at the hospital that we'll be delivering at. The rooms are pretty big and have recently been remodeled. I am very happy with the security that they have in place on the floor. I feel like delivering there will be a positive experience. Crossing my fingers that I get great nurses!

I ordered her baby book on Monday, and it arrived this afternoon. I'm very happy with it! I'll do a separate post on that soon. I also ordered a quote for her nursery to put on the wall, but I'm still waiting on that.

Drew keeps telling me that he wants to put the bedding on her crib. It's so cute how excited he is for that. I have my first shower in about two weeks, so I'll probably wash the bedding after that. Her room is slowly coming together and I hope to have it finished within the next few weeks.

Still basically feeling the same. It's hard to move around and she always feels like she's trying to kick her way out of my belly. I'm sure she's starting to run out of space in there!

In Which I Talk About Hashbrowns!

2012-01-30T23:31:00.000-06:00

31 Weeks: Feelin' the Burn

2012-01-26T22:21:00.000-06:00

29 weeks

30 weeks

31 weeks

Ok, now that we're all caught up with the bump, let's talk other stuff. I had a doctor's appointment a couple of weeks ago. Everything looked and sounded great. I've gained about 20 pounds so far and my fundal measurement has finally caught up. While we were there, Drew asked them about doing a 3D ultrasound and they were going to get us right in, but the tech had an appointment, so we scheduled the ultrasound for the next week.

So, we went back the next week (which was last week) and had the 3D ultrasound done. Unfortunately, the little lady is quite stubborn and feisty, just like her mama. She refused to get into a good position for pictures. The tech even sent us out to get lunch and come back with the hopes that she would move into a good position. No such luck. We did get a couple of pictures that were decent. We go for our growth scan ultrasound next week, and the tech said that she would try to get some better pictures then. Fingers crossed!

Our childbirth class has been so informative. Last week, we learned all about the different stages of labor. This week, we learned about pain meds. I think that I'm slightly more terrified now that I have all of that knowledge. We discussed narcotics, epidurals, and Cesarean sections. She also showed us some different tools that the doctor may have to use such as the vacuum and the forceps. I think that I may be scarred for life after seeing those forceps. ::Shiver::

Physically, I'm starting to feel very big. It takes me a little bit to get up from a sitting or laying position, and I usually have some groans that go along with me getting up. I'm sure that I'll look back on this week when I'm further along and think that I was hardly big at all. Ha! I mentioned earlier that I've gained about 20 pounds, and I can feel it. I think that the fact that my body has packed on so much weight in such a short amount of time is shocking it. It's starting to be difficult to walk for any length of time because I'm not used to all the extra weight. I can tell that Drew gets a little irritated when I have to sit down, but he's really understanding because he can tell that it's a lot for me to adjust to.

It's so adorable to catch him looking at my belly. He really wasn't too attached to the pregnancy in the beginning, but since I've sprouted this lump in the front, he's really opened up to it. He still gets freaked out when he feels her move. I'll lay in bed at night and point to a spot where she has a body part sticking out and he'll push there a little bit and then get freaked out when she moves it away. It's so funny!

Speaking of those body parts, I swear that she is trying to bust out of my belly sometimes. I'm constantly putting my hands on my belly and telling her to keep her arms and legs inside the ride at all times. Her movements have gotten strong! I find myself wincing or gasping sometimes because it hurts. I still love feeling her move, but I'm convinced that my insides are black and blue from her movements.

The heartburn! Oh the heartburn! This started with a vengeance a couple of weeks ago. Milk didn't touch it and it made me extremely nauseous. I actually called up Drew, crying, and begged him to come home. I don't know why; it's not like there was anything he could have done to help me. The next night, I made a trip to go get some Tums after I got heartburn, but it must have been too late because the Tums did nothing for it. It's been better lately, and I know to take some Tums if I feel like I'm starting to get heartburn. Maybe this means our little lady will be born with some hair after all?

I feel like I may be having some Braxton Hicks, but I'm not certain. The nurse said that my belly would get rock hard, and while it definitely feels hard, I don't know if it's rock hard. I feel like my belly gets tight, but it's never really painful, just uncomfortable. It's hard to tell if it's a contraction or if it's little body parts. I really wish I knew.

According to the app on my phone, the little lady is about 16 inches in length and weighs about 3.3 pounds. I'm curious to see about what she actually is when we go for our ultrasound next week.

It's Never Too Late

2012-01-10T13:17:00.000-06:00

I had grand plans of doing a blog post at the first of year, like everyone does, and talking about what happened last year and what I want to achieve this year. However, that post didn't happen when I wanted it to. Better late than never, right.

Last year was filled with lots of ups and downs. Infertility treatments dominated a lot of our thoughts. Just when we thought that we had won over the IF devil, reality smacked me in the face and we were left to pick up the pieces of our broken hearts and mourn the loss of a baby. However, I'm not one to stay down for long, and we quickly tried again. Thankfully, that baby has proven to be our sticky baby and she is currently kicking away. (She has a tendency to do that when I sit scrunched up, as if to tell me that I'm cramping her space.)

I also launched my photography business, Tania Beth Photography. My website is in desperate need of updating, and that is definitely part of my goals.

We have been blessed that Drew has the job that he does. He brings home a great paycheck and enjoys the work. He works long hours, which we both dislike at times, but we know that it's not forever.

So, what are our plans for the upcoming year? Well, we are so excited that we will be adding a daughter to our family. We are so anxiously awaiting her arrival, just not too soon! Our lives are going to change more than we can even imagine at this point. And, we're excited for it!

We also plan on really focusing and working on our finances. We plan on paying off some bills and bulking up our savings account. We have some good foundations laid, we just need to stick to the plan.

We also have a bunch of home improvement projects that we want to do this year, both inside and outside. We've sort of dubbed this year "The Year of the Outside" since we haven't done a whole lot of work to the outside of the house. Our house has wood siding that is in desperate need of repair and painting. That will probably be our big project for the year. I can't tell you how excited I will be drive to drive up to a newly painted house.

Pregnancy Catch Up

2012-01-09T19:43:00.000-06:00

I know, I know, I know!

I have been quite the slacker when it comes to my weekly check-in posts. I'm not even going to go into the excuses. Let's just get started, shall we.

25 weeks

26 weeks

27 weeks

Drew and I were slackers and didn't take a 28 week picture.

We've done a lot of work in the nursery. The bedding arrived so we picked paint colors and painted the walls. We decided to paint three walls a light yellow and the fourth wall is a light blue. I plan on doing lots of accents in pink and sage green. The bedding incorporates all of those colors and I think that everything will look so cute when it all comes together. The crib has been assembled, the mattress is in there, the chair arrived and is in it's place, and we were also able to order the dresser and that has arrived and been put in it's spot. All that is left to do now is small decorating stuff.

When we got the furniture arranged in the nursery, I sat in the chair and just rocked and daydreamed about what it will be like to hold the little lady in my arms and stare at her beautiful face. It's so close, yet so far away!

At my last doctor's appointment, back in December, I was told that I would have to do the one hour glucose tolerance test (GTT) during my 28th week. After talking with Drew, I called the doctor's office and asked if I could do it a week early, the last week of December, so that it would be covered by our insurance since we had met our deductible. They said that was fine, and off to the hospital we went. Once we got there, I peed in a cup, then drank the glucola. It really wasn't too bad since I have a sweet tooth anyway. But, it was a lot of liquid to drink at one time. Drew and I went back out to the waiting area to wait for an hour. After an hour, we went back, they drew blood, and sent us home.

Well, last Thursday, I received a call from my doctor's office that I had failed the one hour test. I was bummed to say the least. They told me that I would have to take the three hour test and that that was a fasting test. Cue panic!

Since getting pregnant, I have to eat pretty quickly after I get up, otherwise I get sick. I was terrified that I would have to go take this test, on an empty stomach, and not eat for quite a few hours.

We decided to go on Friday so that I could get the test done and over with. It was A-W-F-U-L!!!! The lab opened at 7 AM, and we showed up right around then. Again, I peed in a cup and waited for the lab to call with the results from that. Everything came back ok, so they drew blood and handed me the drink. This one was the same amount of liquid, but double the sugary nastiness! It was horrible and not pleasant to get down. After choking it down, Drew and I went out to the waiting area. It was all downhill from there. I felt nauseous and jittery and just overall crappy. I sipped on water, but it was a long hour waiting for my first blood draw. Actually, it was a long hours two and three too! I managed to not puke (thank God!) and made it home, where I promptly ate a little bit and took a nap.

The nurse who teaches our childbirth class (more on that in a minute) knew that I was going in that day to take the test, and very nicely looked up my results for me. She called me before they left for the day to let me know that I had PASSED!!! Yay!!!!!

Speaking of childbirth class, Drew and I had our first class last week. We go once a week, for two hours, for five weeks. I really enjoyed it, and I think Drew did too. The nurse went over the different parts of a pregnancy, some diet stuff, and then we worked on a couple breathing exercises. I'm mostly excited for the L&D tour, but that's not for a few weeks.

The little lady has grown so much in the past few weeks. Her movements are crazy now! She is getting so strong, and sometimes, she really hurts me when she stretches out. I can only imagine how much stronger they are going to get. According to the app on my phone, she should weigh about 2 1/4 pounds and measures almost 15 inches. That blows my mind!

Once You Go Mac. . . .

2011-12-08T16:31:00.000-06:00

Drew and I joined the dark side last night.

We have been looking at getting a Mac and doing research and hemming and hawing it for quite a few months. Honestly, it's been over a year.

We made the plunge last night since they were on sale at Best Buy. We originally went to Best Buy to buy a power cord for our wireless router since Luuuucifer (Leo) chewed through it. They didn't have just a power cord, so we had to buy a whole new router. While we were there, we looked at the Macs (for about the gabillionth time) and finally decided to just buy the darn thing already. We already knew that we weren't going to be exchanging Christmas gifts, so we bought it as our gift to each other.

After we left Best Buy, we went to Office Depot to purchase the desk that we've been eyeing for a few weeks. What was our old office is becoming the nursery, and we're changing what was a spare bedroom into the new office. The new desk will be here tomorrow and then I plan on spending the rest of the weekend in organization mode. Our house has been chaos since we've starting cleaning the nursery out and I am so ready to have some organization back into my life.

I'll post some pics in a few days!

24 Weeks: Viability!

2011-12-07T22:20:00.001-06:00

There are many milestones that a woman anxiously awaits during pregnancy. Hearing the heartbeat, the safety of entering the 2nd trimester, feeling little flutters, finding out the sex, being half baked. This week's milestone really means a lot to me. I have reached viability! Viability means that the baby has a greater chance of survival if they were to be born at this point. However, the little lady still needs to stay put and bake for at least 13 more weeks.

Look at that bump!! Drew keeps commenting that I definitely look pregnant now, and not just chubby.

I know that I haven't updated in a few weeks, so there is lots to catch up on.

While we were in Georgia, a friend of mine alerted me of a sale that diapers.com was having for 30% off Britax strollers and car seats. Since that is the system that we have decided to go with, I hustled over to the website and quickly made my purchase. We saved A TON of money!! I placed the order on the Friday after Thanksgiving, and the stroller and car seat were delivered that Monday. I could not believe how quickly that came!

I already mentioned that Drew and I ordered the chair for the nursery last week. And I ordered the bedding. That should be here any day now. As soon as the bedding arrives, we'll be picking out paint colors. Then, the real fun begins. I just can't wait to get this little lady's room all set up for her.

Physically, I've been feeling pretty good. I still have occasional moments where I don't feel very well, but they aren't often. It's starting to get harder and harder to move around, and I know that that is only going to get worse. I'm pretty sure that I'm starting to get my first stretch mark on my breast. I really shouldn't be surprised that the first one is there given how out of control they've grown, but it still makes me a little sad. I've also noticed that my belly button is getting shallower.

The little lady is definitely a mover and a shaker! Feeling her move inside of me is absolutely incredible. I could sit and watch her make my belly move for hours. It's been fun to feel her movements in different parts of my belly. At first, they were all down low, and now I can sometimes feel some above my belly button.

Drew and I interviewed a pediatrician this evening. My OB has sort of been riding me to pick one and since I have an appointment with him next week, I figured I should at least meet with one so that I can say that I'm working on it. We really liked Dr. B. He's been in the practice for a LONG time and is very well known in this area. We liked the answers that he gave us to our questions and he never rushed us at all. I appreciated that. I hate going to a doctor's office and feeling pressured to get my questions out as quick as possible so that they can move on to their next patient. He seems very on top of his game and proactive in his care. Plus, like I said, the fact that he's been doing this forever makes me feel very comfortable. My only set back is that he has a very strong accent and so it's hard for me to understand him at times. That really is my own issue, and I just need to listen really hard when he talks. We may interview another pediatrician just to see what else is there. This other pedi is another well known doctor in the area.

This week, the baby is just over a pound and almost a foot long, about the size of an ear of corn. She doesn't have much fat on her, but she'll soon start plumping up. Her brain is growing quickly and taste buds are continuing to develop. The lungs are developing "branches" of the respiratory "tree" and cells that produce surfactant, which is a substance that will help the air sacs in the lungs inflate once the baby is born.

December Already?

2011-12-03T20:39:00.000-06:00

I seriously can't believe that it's December already. Where has the year gone? We all say that every year, don't we?

I picked Rachel up from school on Thursday and she spent the night so we could do some baby stuff. It was really nice to be able to have someone to hang out with. Drew has been working INSANE hours. He went into work at 6 PM on Tuesday night and didn't get home until about 2:30 AM Thursday morning. Yep, that's about 32 hours! I'm slightly lonely. So, I was really thankful that Rachel came to keep me company.

We went to BRU and a local furniture store to look at chairs for the nursery. We found one we liked and I took Drew there today to order it. Yes, he liked it too.

After we grabbed some dinner, we came home and just spent time hanging out and watching tv. Rachel spent most of the evening trying to feel the baby move. She wasn't as active as she usually is at night. However, Leo enjoyed snuggling with us.

He has enjoyed snuggling on my belly sometimes. It's weird for him because he's really not a snuggler.

Like I said earlier, Drew and I went and ordered the chair for the nursery today. I also ordered the crib bedding. As soon as that arrives, we'll pick out paint colors and get started on the nursery. I am dying to get this little girl's room set up.

Remember the dilemma we had with the crib, where they were out of stock? Well, now we have the same problem with the dresser. We didn't order the dresser when we ordered the crib because we knew that we weren't going to be setting up the room right away and I didn't want all of the furniture taking up space in my house. Plus, they assured us that the dresser would be available when we were ready to order. Figures, right? So, now we're just patiently waiting and hoping that the dresser becomes available soon. Hopefully we won't have to wait too long.

Thanksgiving Recap

2011-11-29T17:25:00.001-06:00

Drew and I made the drive to Georgia to visit Eric, Jess, and Wesley for Thanksgiving. Drew's parents also drove down, and Drew's BFF and his family came also. Add in 4 dogs and it was quite a full house!

Yes, we took Maya with us. She did amazingly well during the drive and while we were there. She only got a little antsy during the drive down, but once I crawled in the backseat and sat with her for a little bit, she calmed down and went back to sleep. She never once acted like she had to go to the bathroom, and when we did stop, she didn't want to go. Weird dog!

On Wednesday, Jess, Jen, Debbie, and I all went to Babies R Us so that I could work on my baby registry. Jess and Jen were a lot of help and told me exactly what would be helpful and what I would need. I only have a few more items to add based on whatever colors we decide to do in the nursery.

The rest of the weekend was mainly all of us just hanging out and enjoying one another's company. It's so great to see family that we don't get to see that often.

On Saturday, Jess took me to a nice consignment shop and I bought a few things. I'll have to take pictures and post them soon.

Sunday started out a little rough and it was the day to drive home. I wasn't feeling great, but figured that I was just hungry so I tried to eat and push through it. I ended up throwing up my breakfast, and, again, figured that I had just waited too long to eat. I still wasn't feeling great, but we needed to get on the road. We didn't even make it a block down the road before I threw up again. It was going to be a long, long 12 hour drive home. I spent the entire day puking and trying to sleep through it. It was absolutely awful. I felt terrible for poor Drew who had to sit and listen to me. It was definitely my worst nightmare come to life!

I don't know if it was flu bug that I had, or just a bad case of morning sickness, but I've been feeling better. Let the countdown to Christmas begin!

21 Weeks: Anatomy Scan

2011-11-17T21:05:00.002-06:00

I know, I'm a day late again, but that's because I wanted to wait until today so that I could talk about the anatomy scan that I had today.

First things first though. Here's the 21 weeks bump!

The belly almost sticks out further than my boobs. And at this point? That's quite a feat!

On Saturday, I was sitting on the couch and I felt the baby start a dance party in my belly. I lifted my shirt up and waited patiently, and after a couple of seconds, I could see my belly move with the baby's movements! The movements weren't huge, but they were there. Last night, I was able to see very small movements through my sweater. I notice that the baby has a tendency to stop moving as much when I lift my shirt up to watch. I wonder if it gets cold! LOL!

So, this afternoon, Drew and I went to another doctor's appointment and we had the anatomy scan. Baby was head down and I joked that my baby was already an over-achiever! The tech told me that it doesn't mean a thing (which I know) and that the baby will likely flip a whole bunch (which I know) before delivery. When she started the ultrasound, the baby was curled up in a ball, so she was able to get some good pictures of the head and spine. As the ultrasound went out, the baby started to move around a little bit and the tech had to chase to get certain body parts.

It is absolutely incredible to me to see this baby and how big it's gotten and all of it's body parts. Remember, we saw the embryo when it was just a few cells big. It is such an incredible miracle. The tech and doctor said that everything looks perfect and beautiful. That makes us so happy!

And now, I'm sure that you're just waiting for the big news, right? The tech was able to tell us the sex with a lot of confidence, and I agree based on pictures that I've seen.

We're going to have a daughter!!! We are so very excited! I think that Drew is a little nervous about having a little girl, but I know that he is going to be wrapped around her finger the minute that she is born.

After the ultrasound, I got weighed and they took us back to an exam room. I'm up about 7 pounds at this point. My blood pressure was great, also. The doctor came in and said that everything looks good. He measured my fundal height and I'm still measuring a week behind, at 20 cm. Last time I measured 16 cm, even though I was 17 weeks. I wonder if/when it starts to become a concern. I'm kind of hoping that the baby takes after me and is on the smaller side. You know, for the sake of me having to birth her and all!

The doctor set up my next few appointments. He will see me once a month in December and January, then, we have a growth scan at the beginning of February. Then, he will see me every two weeks for the next two appointments, then once a week after that. I joked that him and I were going to become good friends and that it was sort of like a dating relationship and we were building up to the big day!

I feel like time is going to start going very quickly at this point. We're traveling to Georgia next week for Thanksgiving to visit with Drew's sister and brother-in-law. I've already told my sister-in-law that we're going to have to go to Babies R Us so that she can help me with my registry. I'm looking forward to getting advice from Jess and Jen about everything that I need baby wise.

I am so excited to start designing and picking out things for the nursery. It feels great to know that we're having a little girl so that we can start picking bedding and colors and accessories. I just love knowing who we're shopping for now!

30 Days of Thanks - Days 9 & 10

2011-11-10T20:56:00.000-06:00

A blog

My favorite blog to read is Kelly's blog at Kelly's Korner. She is such a sweet, sweet lady. She suffered through infertility and now has two beautiful daughters. Seriously, read through her blog and you'll see exactly why I love it.

A time of day

My favorite time of day that I'm thankful for is right when I crawl in bed. It's not nearly as enjoyable as it was when Drew didn't work nights and we went to bed together every night, but it makes me appreciate the nights he has off even more.

20 Weeks: Half Baked

2011-11-09T19:36:00.001-06:00

Hello halfway point, it's so good to see you! I seriously feel like I've been pregnant f-o-r-e-v-e-r! In the beginning, when I was in a constant state of nausea, each day was miserable to get through. The days and weeks drug on and I felt like I would never make it out of the first trimester and into the promised land, aka, second trimester. However, the second trimester came and things started to become easier and the days started passing quicker.

Now, the weeks are passing much quicker and I'm starting to feel slightly anxious about getting things done. I know that we still have plenty of time, so I'm not freaking out quite yet.

I have been feeling so much movement lately. It's crazy! Baby particularly enjoys using my bladder as a bouncy house. I haven't really noticed any pattern to the movements, but I do have a tendency to feel the baby more right after I eat.

Speaking of eating, that's getting old. I eat all. the. time. Some days it's ok and I don't mind it. Other days? It's a chore and I hate it. I feel like I run out of things in my house to eat. I feel like I'm running out of variety and I get sick of eating the same thing over and over. I know that I still have a lot of time ahead of me where I'm going to feel ravenous constantly, especially if I breastfeed (which I plan on doing), but I'm kind of over it. Such a bad problem to have, right? I'm a little concerned about how I'm going to fare when we drive down to Georgia for Thanksgiving. I've already started thinking about what food I'm going to pack.

I'm happy to report that I've been gaining weight and I'm up six pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight. Honestly, I think it's all in my boobs! :)

I feel like my bump is starting to look more bump-ish and less chub-ish. I'm still waiting to "pop" though. I do notice the bump that I do have though. It's getting increasingly more difficult to move around. I always laugh as I struggle to get up because I'm hardly big by any means. I can only imagine what it'll be like when I actually am big! I'm sure that will be a funny sight and Drew will have many laughs.

Actually, Drew has been very good to me! He helps me get up whenever he's around and he will occasionally rub my back. And he deals with my mood swings in great strides. I haven't been too bad, and have only snapped a couple of times, but he totally understands when I do and just leaves me alone.

We find out the sex next week, and it cannot come soon enough! I am so anxious to see the baby again and I'm really excited to find out if Drew and I will be welcoming a son or a daughter. I just hope that the baby cooperates!

30 Days of Thanks - Day 8

2011-11-08T17:41:00.001-06:00

A restaurant

Beef-a-Roo is a local fast food chain that is absolutely delicious!! I have been especially thankful for their french fries this pregnancy.

Ok, if I'm being honest, I've been thankful for any french fries!

30 Days of Thanks - Day 7

2011-11-07T20:51:00.000-06:00

A scent

My favorite scent that I am thankful for is fresh cut grass in the summer. I'm especially thankful for it now that winter is coming and I know that it's going to be a long time before I get to smell that heavenly smell again.

30 Days of Thanks - Day 6

2011-11-06T20:33:00.000-06:00

A pair of shoes

Ok, so I'm going to cheat because what I'm thankful for isn't exactly shoes. They are my slippers!

I LIVE in my slippers. I mean, if I'm not wearing shoes or in the shower, my slippers are on my feet. In fact, I take my slippers with me when we go on trips. There is nothing better than slipping my feet into the warm, cushiony goodness that is my slippers. And getting a brand new pair of slippers is the best thing ever because then they are extra cushiony. Seriously, I am so thankful for my slippers!

30 Days of Thanks - Day 5

2011-11-05T19:09:00.000-05:00

A place

I'm going to be clique and say that the place that I am most thankful for is our home.

It still needs some work, but we have come a long way into making this house our home. I love having a place to call our own. We don't plan on staying here forever, but while we are here, we love it.

I am so thankful that God showed this house to us. We definitely bought it at the right time, and I'm hoping that with the TLC that we're putting into, we'll be able to sell it easily.

I'm incredibly thankful that we have a house to bring our baby home to. I know that there is nothing wrong with having a baby in an apartment, but, do you know the amount of stuff that you need for a baby? I'm thankful that we don't have to try and cram all of that stuff in our old apartment!

30 Days of Thanks - Day 4

2011-11-04T18:46:00.000-05:00

A favorite snack

Honestly, at this point in my pregnancy, any snack that sounds good and stays down is my favorite snack. I am eating constantly and I am so thankful that, for the most part, food sounds appealing again.

I have had a tendency to go through phases with food. In the beginning, grapes were my favorite. Then, it was graham crackers.

Now?

Hot Tamales are my current obsession. I have gone through so many boxes of these in the past few weeks.

I'm also loving a big glass of cold milk now. Seriously, my mouth waters thinking about it. It's weird because I've never been a big milk drinker. But, I'm loving it right now.

30 Days of Thanks - Days 1,2,3

2011-11-03T22:02:00.000-05:00

I know that I've mentioned Lindsay from Designer Wife over here before. Well, she is doing a 30 Days of Thanks on her blog, and I've decided to join in too. Since I'm late to the game, I have a little catching up to do.

Day 1 - A person

Well, who else am I going to pick besides my husband? Seriously though, he's pretty amazing in my book. I am so thankful that we met and fell in love and that he asked me to spend the rest of his life with him. We have been through the good times, the bad times, for richer, for poorer, sickness, and health. And he has been unconditionally supportive through everything.

I love that man with my whole heart and I thank God every day that he brought Drew into my life.

Day 2 - An animal

Now that we have three pets in our family, my favorite will always be my first. Simon.

He is such a great cat. He snuggles occasionally and always looks so cute when he's sleeping curled up on the bed. He hates Maya with a passion, and I'm scared about how he's going to act when the baby comes along, but at the end of the day, he loves me to pieces and I know it.

Day 3 - A cozy place in your home

I guess that the coziest place that I can think of right now is our bed. I cherish the days when Drew is off work and we can fall asleep together. We don't do too much snuggling anymore due to my pregnancy pillow, but it's comforting just to know that he's there.

19 Weeks: First Outside Kicks

2011-11-03T19:18:00.000-05:00

Just for good measure, here is my 18 week picture that we took before we left for dinner last week.

I waited until today, 19w1d to take my picture because I knew that there would be a change.

My hair is gone, I hacked it! That's probably about the most noticeable change. Otherwise, the ol' bump is looking about the same. The baby is the size of a mango this week.

Big news in this update! First, our crib has arrived!! It's sitting in our dining room, just waiting for the nursery to be cleaned out and painted. It's so weird to walk by the dining room and see the huge box that the crib is in. I just can't believe we have a crib in our house.

The other big news? Well, I was sitting on the floor Tuesday night, playing on the computer, and I could feel the baby start a dance party in my belly. So, I randomly decided to put my hand down there to see if I could feel anything, and I DID!!!! I couldn't believe it. It is the weirdest feeling. The kicks and punches and movements have definitely gotten stronger in the couple weeks since I've started feeling them. I am so thankful for this! Drew was even able to put his hand on my belly this morning and feel a small kick/punch.

We have purchased and installed the closet organizer in the nursery. The system came without instructions, which made for a fun project for Drew and his dad. It looks great though, and I can't wait to have little baby clothes hanging in there!

Everything else is sort of at a stand still until we find out the sex. I have absolutely no idea what to do in the nursery, and won't be able to decide anything until we know what our little bambino is. We really haven't talked about names much. Basically, I'm just anxious to know the sex so that we can start making some more decisions. We find out in exactly two weeks.

Three Years

2011-10-25T10:30:00.001-05:00

Three years ago, Drew and I stood in front of each other and promised forever together.

It's amazing to think about how far we've come and what we've been through in three years. We've moved out of our apartment and bought a house, we've done numerous renovations to said house, gone on a couple of trips, we've been through hell and back with fertility treatments and a miscarriage, and now we're expecting our first child. It's so surreal.

We don't have any plans tonight since Drew has to work, but we are planning on going out to dinner tomorrow night. We haven't been to a sit down restaurant in months (totally my fault) and I know that Drew is very excited!

I am looking forward to celebrating many, many more anniversaries together!

Checking on Baby

2011-10-21T23:22:00.001-05:00

I had my 2nd OB appointment today. Honestly, nothing huge, but I want to blog about it so that I can remember it.

My doctor confirmed my due date to be March 28, 2012. When he measured my belly, he said that I am measuring 16 weeks.

We also had some discussions about prenatal vitamins. They gave me some new ones at my last appointment because they said that the ones that I was taking weren't good enough. So, I took the new ones for a handful of days and they made me so nauseous. I stopped taking them and went back to my old ones. I'm strongly convinced that it's the iron in them making me sick. Well, turns out I'm anemic now that I'm pregnant, which they said sometimes happens in pregnancy. So, I really need to take a vitamin with iron in it. They gave me a couple of new ones to try. We'll see what happens with those.

I also got a flu shot. The CDC highly recommends that pregnant women and their spouses get flu shots. Drew refused. I'm pretty sure that the nurse was having a race to see how quickly she could plunge the stuff into me. It burned a lot, and now my arm is pretty sore.

We listened to the baby's heartbeat and it was in the 150s. Dr. M says that means a girl. We have the anatomy scan ultrasound at our next appointment on November 17th. I just can't wait to find out if we will be having a son or a daughter.

17 Weeks: First Baby Purchase

2011-10-19T22:29:00.000-05:00

I have a little catching up to do since I missed an update for weeks 15 and 16. I'm not going to make any promises, but I really hope not to miss any more weeks. The baby is the size of an onion this week.

I think that I'm beginning to sprout a little bump. It's a little more noticeable bare belly. My pre-pregnancy pants are starting to get uncomfortable. I've had some minor meltdowns trying to find maternity jeans. The smallest size that any particular store carries is sooooo long and sooooo big! I could practically fit another person in there with me.

Drew and I went to the Huntley Outlet Mall to go to the Motherhood Maternity outlet on Sunday. I was able to find a pair of jeans that weren't too horrible, but, of course, they didn't have my size. I tried on a "long" pair and I really needed a "regular" pair. They were able to order them for me and have them shipped to me. Of course, once they got here, they were not like how they were in the store. They feel like they are way bigger than what they were at the store. I'm seriously at my wits end with maternity jeans!

We have made our first baby purchase! Drew and I went to Babies R Us a few weeks ago to begin looking for cribs, and we fell in love with one. I swear I heard choir angels sing when I saw it! Well, apparently a ton of other people love that particular too, because were so back ordered that BRU couldn't even order it from the manufacturer. No big deal, we thought. I was only 10 weeks at the time. There was still plenty of time to order a crib. Long about week 15, we went back to the store to see if there was another crib that I could love as much. There wasn't. I wanted that one. We asked about the crib again and they were still unable to order it. The lady that we talked to let us know that I could leave my name and number and they would call me if the crib became available. On Thursday, the 13th, BRU called me to let me know that the crib was available! Cue "Hallelujah" chorus. We went into the store that day to order it and now we're just waiting for it to arrive.

It was so surreal to be sitting in that store and ordering a crib. A crib for our baby. I would have been sobbing if I hadn't been so excited.

Physically, I'm feeling pretty good. I've been sleeping with my Snoogle and I definitely think that it helps me sleep better. I wake up about twice a night to go pee, which isn't too awful. I miss sleeping all the way through the night though. I'm basically back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I lost 5 or 6 pounds from being so sick in the first trimester.

I'm also pretty sure that I've been feeling the baby move this past week. It feels like bubbles popping. So cool!

14 Weeks: No Bump Changes

2011-09-28T19:42:00.001-05:00

I'm pretty sure that nothing has really changed in the ol' bump department from last week. Baby is the size of a lemon this week.

My boobs have probably gotten bigger, but I think that's it. Speaking of boobs, those suckers are out of control. And yes, I'm actually talking about my boobs right now. I just can't imagine how much larger they are going to get, and I'm really scared about when my milk comes in. I bought new bras a couple of weeks ago, and I went up 2 cup sizes. Unbelievable.

I've started having some headaches this past week. I got my first one the other night and thought I would go to bed and sleep it away. I woke up in the middle of the night when Drew got home and my head was still pounding. I broke down and took some Tylenol so I could sleep. I got another headache in the middle of the night last night. It's lasted pretty much all day. It hasn't been awful, but it's still not pleasant. I know that it's safe for me to take Tylenol, but I still feel guilty about it.

I thought I was feeling so much better and that I was over the whole puking thing, but then I puked the other night. We stopped and got Taco Johns for dinner and I think it was the tortilla that made me sick. I've had a problem with tacos before and white bread. Must be the type of flour or something. So, I'm back to being cautious about food again. And, I'm back to the whole "I'm hungry but absolutely nothing on this planet sounds good" kick. It's so frustrating. I know that I need to eat, but it's so hard to eat if nothing sounds good.

I have my first OB appointment on Friday. We also have Josh and Angie's wedding this weekend.

13 Weeks: Goodbye First Tri

2011-09-21T23:08:00.001-05:00

I have officially left the first trimester with my entry into 13 weeks.

I went to the RE's office yesterday for another blood work appointment to check my hormone levels. Everything looks great and I can stay off of all of the meds that I was on. At one point I was taking Anaprox morning, afternoon and night, Estradiol morning and night, Divigel morning and night, progesterone suppositories morning and night, Prometrium afternoon, and my prenatal vitamins at night. That is a lot of medication to be taking. Thankfully, I was able to stop everything last week, and since everything still looks great, I'm officially finished.

However, that also means that I am done with appointments at the RE. It's bittersweet really. I have spent so much time there that it's weird to not have an appointment next week. Or for a long time for that matter. We won't be going back until we do our next FET. And that's going to be at least a year after this little one is born. We will be stopping in to show off the babe though.

And, I should share some of the best news that I have heard during this whole process, besides when I was told that I was pregnant. I had to decide on a new OBGYN when I got pregnant since I don't want to return to the one that I was seeing before I started going to the RE.

I should point out that I had a bleeding scare a few weeks ago on a Friday night. Of course, it was really late and when I called the RE's office, I got their after hours line. I guess my RE was out of town, so I was connected with an on call OB. The OB was very nice and reassured me that everything was ok and there wasn't any reason to be concerned. The OB even called me the next day to check up on me. I mean, how sweet and caring is that? Not too many doctors do that. Well, at least none of the doctors that I've had.

So, I decided to pick that OB. In my back of my mind, I had a concern though. The doctor's name is the only one listed for the practice. So, what happens if I go into labor and he's on vacation? Do I just get Joe Blow whom I've never met delivering my baby. Nope! The doctor who covers the OB that I've chosen? My RE!!!

How freakin' awesome is that?!?!?!!!

I seriously felt the weight of the world lift from my shoulders when I heard that. So, it may not be the last time I see the RE; he may be there to deliver the baby.

Nothing much has changed from last week in terms of symptoms. I still have my good and bad days with the morning sickness, still get RLP (round ligament pain), still sore occasionally.

I did cry over some french fries today. After Maya's training class, we stopped by a local pizza place and then went to Drew's parent's house. The pizza just wasn't that appetizing to me. I asked Drew if we could stop at Burger King and get some french fries on the way home. It was about 9 PM when we got there. I got my fries, took one bite, and they sucked! I could tell they were old. So, Drew drove back around and asked if we could get some fresh fries. 4 minutes later, we were on our way. I had about 4 fries and Drew looked over at me to find me bawling. They just weren't as good as I pictured them in my head. I was so over something sounding good in my head only to taste like crap when I finally got it. And I just lost it. I bawled all the way home. I mean, seriously sobbed. And Drew? Well, he just laughed at me. I looked at him at one point and told him that I couldn't believe I was crying over french fries. I'm a hot mess!

Explaining Myself

2011-09-16T19:44:00.000-05:00

I guess that I have some explaining to do, don't I?

I am 12w2d pregnant today, so just coming up on the end of the third month and the first trimester. I've done a little lying around these parts. When I posted about our WTF appointment with the RE, I said that we were going to move on when we were ready. Well, truth is, I told the RE that I wanted to move on right away. I asked him when we could pursue a frozen embryo transfer (FET) and he said that we could do it as soon as I was ready. I told him that I was ready right away. I didn't want to sit and dwell on what I had lost and the fact that I wasn't pregnant. I told him that I was sick of playing the infertility game and that all I wanted was a successful pregnancy and to bring a baby home. He said that we could start the process as soon as I started my cycle. I began to bleed a few days after that.

The beauty about doing a FET cycle, is that you can basically decide when you want to do the transfer. Well, we knew that we were hosting Wes' first birthday party, and that we were planning a trip to Florida, so we scheduled the transfer for the Monday after the party and we left for vacation that Thursday. The timing worked out perfect. After doing a transfer, the RE likes to have you on bed rest for 2 days. So, we did the transfer and I was on bed rest for Monday and Tuesday, we spent Wednesday packing and getting ready to leave, and then we went and spent a long weekend relaxing on the beach. It was perfect timing.

We also kept this a secret from everyone. The pressure that I felt last time was horrible. Everybody knew when I had my beta and were chomping at the bit to know if I was pregnant or not. Drew and I barely had time to process the news ourselves before we had to tell everybody else. So this time? We left everyone else out of the equation. Much less stress!

When did we find out I was pregnant? Well, that's a funny story. Drew and I were in Florida on our vacation. We flew out of the Rockford airport for this trip (Seriously, words can not describe how much I loved flying out of there.) and our flight wasn't until early Tuesday morning. The friends we were in Florida with, dropped us off at the hotel we were staying at in Orlando on Monday afternoon. So, Drew and I were there, without a car, for the night. Fortunately, we were within walking distance of a Walmart, so I, quite literally, begged him to walk to Walmart to get a pregnancy test. We picked up some dinner at Subway, and came back to the hotel room. I went straight into the bathroom. I wasn't even done peeing or wiping before the 2nd line appeared. And it was DARK!!! I squealed. I jumped up and down. I was elated! And Drew couldn't wipe the smile from his face either.

My first beta was on Wednesday, July 20 and it came back at 311!!! If you remember my first beta the last time was 15, this one was way better! I couldn't help but feel optimistic at this point, but I knew that the important thing was to have the number double by the next beta, which was Friday, July 22. That one came back at 784!!! I was officially pregnant! My first ultrasound was scheduled for Wednesday, August 10 and I would be 7 weeks.

I was so nervous when that day arrived. All I wanted was to see a healthy baby and to hear a heartbeat. God heard my prayers because we saw one beautiful little blob with a heartbeat of 132bpm. I cried. There is no sweeter sound than hearing that heartbeat. My next ultrasound was scheduled for 12 weeks.

I have been consistently going in for blood work to monitor my hormone levels. After my blood work appointment at 10 weeks, the nurse could tell that I was nervous and anxious about the baby. She scheduled me to come in the next day, on Wednesday, August 31, at exactly 10 weeks to check on the baby.

The picture from the ultrasound is the one that I posted to share our surprise. Baby looked great and had a heartbeat of 184bpm.

As for me, I've been feeling awful! My first pregnancy symptom started at 4w5d with some very unpleasant diarrhea. Everybody said it was normal. Morning sickness started at 5w4d. And it started with a vengeance. I was horribly sick for about 2 weeks. I barely ate and puked a lot. After about 2 weeks, I started to get a grasp of it. I could eat a little better, but I was still pretty touch and go. Now? I still have my good and bad days. At this point, I eat what sounds good. If it doesn't sound good, I don't force it. I've learned my lesson about that. I eat ALL.THE.TIME. Seriously. It's quite annoying. Lately, I feel very sick if I let myself get even a little bit hungry. So, if you see me somewhere, know that I most definitely have snacks with me.

Other than the morning sickness, I feel kinda achy at times. There are some mornings where my back and neck and shoulders are very sore when I wake, and other mornings where I feel pretty good. I have starting having some pain in my ribs. I notice it mainly when I first wake up and it seems to lessen as the day goes on. I have also had a lot of round ligament pain. That hasn't been pleasant.

I really don't have a bump or anything as of yet. I'm a little bloated, but it's gone down in the past week or so.

So, that's the whole story. I am so happy that it's out in the open and I can start blogging about everything. I apologize for the lack of content around here lately. I couldn't blog about the pregnancy and I really wasn't doing much else besides hanging around the house because of the morning sickness.

Surprise!

2011-09-13T22:55:00.000-05:00

EDD - March 28, 2012

I'm Alive, No Worries

2011-08-18T21:35:00.000-05:00

I haven't blogged in, oh, just about forever. Truth is, I've been really sick. I just can't shake it. So, I've been spending the majority of my time on the couch. Thankfully, it's been pretty nice here weatherwise, so Maya has spent a lot of time outdoors.

Speaking of Maya, I took her to her first training class yesterday. She did amazingly well. When Drew went to sign her up for classes, he was going to sign her up for the puppy class. When the people there found out her breed and that she knew a few commands, they put her in the Beginner 1 class. When I showed up last night, the trainer gave me the side eye for having her in that class since she is two months younger than what she should be for the class. She was one of the better dogs in the class, so that made me a very proud mama.

There was one dog in class named Mojo, which made me giggle. And then his owner told us the story behind his name. He's named for Missouri Joplin because he was a rescue dog from the tornado. Apparently he wandered the streets for a couple of weeks before being rescued. He was very malnourished and this guy has cared her back to health. Cue tears.

Family Reunion

2011-07-23T23:15:00.000-05:00

Today, Drew and I drove to Crystal Lake for the annual beach day/family reunion for Drew's side of the family. We were all supposed to meet at 10 AM, but the rain forced us to move our meeting time back to 1 PM. Thankfully, the rain left us and we had a beautiful day.

After everybody had eaten and play a little bit, I decided to start taking some photos. This is Rhett with George (I think. I have all of the aunt/uncles and cousins down, it's the 2nd cousins that still confuse me. Drew's dad's side of the family is LARGE and I still think they all need name tags). Poor little guy was all sorts of tuckered out from swimming.

Great minds think alike! This is Carrie. Her and her husband, Stephen, live in the DC area. We just found out today that they are expecting their first child in January. And, as if that wasn't exciting enough news, Stephen's job is sending them to Bangkok in a year for a few years. Amazing!

Jerrad's daughter, Beatrice is the newest member of the W clan. She is a beauty!

This is Annie, Rhett and Katy's newest addition. She is stunning!

Drew's cousin, Luke, and his family are back here visiting from where they live in Zambia. They have lived there for quite a few years now. I met them for the first time before Drew and I got married. They are doing missions work there. Luke has the biggest heart for God. He prayed over Drew and I before we left. I think that it's so powerful to watch the way God speaks through him.

Every time that I leave after spending time with Drew's family, I feel so blessed and thankful for the family that I have married in to.

You Ask, I'll Tell - Answers

2011-07-22T22:11:00.000-05:00

Dana's Blog - Sweeping Through Life

Sarah's Blog - Better Together

E-Mealz

Back To Reality

2011-07-21T20:36:00.000-05:00

Drew and I recently got back from a vacation on Hutchinson Island, Florida. Drew's grandma has a cottage down there and was kind enough to let us use it. I think I only took about 6 pictures while we were there. I know -- unreal, right? We spent a lot of time at the beach and the pool and it was just the right kind of vacation that I needed after the miscarriage.

I have a few things to catch up on around here over the next few days. I'll do a vlog tomorrow answering the questions that were asked. So, last chance to ask me anything to answer.

How's the weather been around here? Basically, it's hotter than hell. It's hotter here than it was in Florida. We're talking temps in the 90s with heat indices in the 110s and greater. I can't say when exactly the heat started, but it's been going on for quite a few days. I'm not complaining because I would rather have this over the cold any day. And I know that winter is going to come way too soon.

Speaking of that. . . . Can you believe that we're more than halfway through July already? I think that time is constantly speeding up.

Wesley's First Birthday

2011-07-09T19:25:00.001-05:00

Our house was the location for our nephew's first birthday party today. He finished the basement just in time to set up for the party and have everybody over.

I started by taking a few shots of the inside decorations.

This is Kristen and Jessica, who are cousins. Kristen and her daughter, Madison, were our first guests in our brand new guest room.

Drew was "volunteered" to be the griller.

4 generation picture. The woman in the yellow is Drew's mom's sister.

The birthday boy with his parents.

Another 4 generation picture.

Cake time!!! Jess ordered a 10 inch cake for Wes' smash cake, not fully realizing how big a 10 inch cake is. That sucker was huge!!

He was so not impressed!!!

There's a smile for me!!

His dad, Eric, was so sweet and smeared Wesley's hand all over his face. Wes was such a trooper.

After everybody ate cake, it was time for presents. Wes was very excited for the paper.

This was our present to Drew and I bought it, not just because I figured that Wes would love it, but because I knew that Jess would just love to pick up all of those balls. "It's 100 more!!!!!!!"

Kristen and Jessica came up with this idea to put all of the balloons around a chair to take a picture of Wes. Wes was not very stoked about it at first.

We finally got a smile out of him though. What a cutie!

We had such a great time opening up our home for Wesley's party and having so many family and friends over. Wes was so good. I can't believe that he's going to be one soon. Time flies!

Family on the 4th

2011-07-04T22:13:00.000-05:00

My sister-in-law, Jess, her husband, Eric, and our nephew, Wes, are in town for a week (!!) for their summer visit. They arrived from GA late Saturday, but due to us having chores to do around the house to get ready for Wes' birthday party this coming Saturday, today was the first day that we got to spend a good chunk of time with them. They came over to our house, along with Drew's parents and grandma, to grill out and spend the day together.

We grilled a great lunch of hamburgers, brats, a hotdog for me, corn on the cob, potato salad, chips, and seasoned oyster crackers.

Here's Jess and Wesley watching the domino game after lunch.

We almost always play dominos anytime we spend time with Drew's grandma and parents.

I'm pretty sure that Debbie won, but I wasn't following the game too closely.

While the game was going on, Jess took Wes into the yard to visit with the dogs.

Wes really seemed to like Maya and Maya seemed to do pretty good with the baby.

I love having family over! This was the perfect way to spend the 4th of July.

Do You Remember Me?

2011-06-25T12:12:00.000-05:00

I know that it's been eerily quiet around these parts. Our computer broke last week, and we only had the old computer to use until we got a new hard drive into the computer, and the old computer is pretty ancient and slow. We got the new hard drive installed last night, so we're back up and running.

Our basement remodel was almost done, until we decided to remodel the bathroom that is down there too. That means that we (and by we, I mean Drew) has two weeks to complete a bathroom remodel. We bought new tile for the floor, paint, a new vanity, mirror, and light fixture. The bathtub and toilet are in good shape, so there's no work that needs to be done there. I'll have to take some pictures in the next couple of days and post the progress that's been made. I am very happy with how the basement is turning out!

Don't forget to send me any questions that you've been dying to ask me. I've got a couple and I'll do a post in a few days. Now that I have the computer back.

You Ask, I'll Tell

2011-06-15T14:22:00.000-05:00

Since I'm in need of something to distract me for a little while, let's do something fun. How about we do some Q&A here? Does that sound fun? So, if you have any questions, anything at all, feel free to ask in the comments, or send me an email at tshott08@gmail.com.

I'll answer the questions in another post, or, since everyone seems to like them, I just might do a vlog or two.

WTF Appointment

2011-06-13T22:13:00.000-05:00

Drew and I had a follow up appointment with the RE this afternoon. We were originally scheduled to go next week, but they had a cancellation, so we jumped on it and met with him today. Basically, he doesn't really know what went wrong. It could have had to do with the cramping that I had, could have been a chromosomal issue, could have been an immunity issue, could have been an infection. He said that the fact that I did get pregnant this time helps to narrow it down a little.

They took some blood and are going to run some tests on it to see if anything comes back. Those results will help to figure out what we'll do from here.

As far as what we're going to do, that's still undecided at the moment. We'll move on, when we feel ready.

My heart hurts. I just want to cry all the time. I'm angry that my body did this and has caused me more heartache. I'm still waiting to miscarry, so it doesn't feel real. I don't know how to shake this feeling and I feel like I've lost all sense of security. I never, ever imagined that we would suffer through a miscarriage. I guess I thought that God would see how much we have struggled to get pregnant and would bless us with a healthy pregnancy. God has other plans though apparently.

I feel like I'm constantly lying to people. "I'm fine." Lie. "I'm great." Lie. "I know that we'll be successful." Lie. "It helps to hear that people have had success." Lie. "I'll be ok." Lie.

Truth is, I'm not ok, I'm not fine, I don't know that we'll be able to bring home a healthy baby, other people's stories don't affect mine, and I don't know when I'll feel better again. Truth is, I put a mask on for everybody and never let people see my real emotions. I tell everybody that I'm ok because I don't know what else to say. I don't know how to tell somebody that my heart is crushed into a million pieces and I don't know how to pick them up.

"I know God won't give me anything I can't handle; I just wish He didn't trust me so much." -- Mother Teresa

The Hardest Post I Will Ever Write

2011-06-10T13:47:00.000-05:00

I finally got a call back from the RE's office on Wednesday morning. The news wasn't so great. My beta had gone up, but it had only gone up to 21.8, from 15.8 on Friday. They immediately started me on Lovenox injections that would hopefully help the blood flow issue that I was having. My estrogen and progesterone levels were great, according to the nurse.

I went back in this morning for another blood draw and got the call a few hours later that my beta had dropped down to 7. I'm going to miscarry. I'm going to lose my baby.

Basically, I'm numb. It was hard enough for me to finally get pregnant, it wasn't supposed to be hard for me to stay pregnant. I know that life isn't fair, but this really and truly isn't fair at all. I really just don't know what to say right now.

I want to thank each and every one of you who left a congratulatory comment. They mean so much to me!

Just Add It To The List

2011-06-07T23:01:00.000-05:00

I was supposed to get a phone call this afternoon from my RE office after I went in this morning for my next blood draw to get my beta number. Guess who didn't call?

Yeah. Them!

After (im)patiently waiting all afternoon, I called the office at 3:20 PM, since I knew that they closed at 3:30 PM, and the receptionist lady told me that they were calling people with test results and that if I didn't hear from them that afternoon, that I would hear from them in the morning.

Excuse me??

Of all the test results for them to not call me back about, they choose this one. To say that I'm pissed is an understatement. I think it's absolutely ridiculous that they didn't call me. I'm trying to be really nice and friendly about all the things that are starting to bother me about that office, but it's getting difficult. I really feel like a number in their assembly line of patients, and if it weren't for the frozen embryos that we have with them, I'd fire them and find a new RE.

AND. . . I find it just hilarious that they are very quick to tell me to not stress and take it easy. Well, guess what idiots? If you were to have some consideration for me, your patient, the person paying your bills and providing you a paycheck, perhaps I wouldn't be so stressed or worried about things.

Am I or Aren't I?

2011-06-06T12:26:00.000-05:00

What do you think? Am I pregnant, or not? Watch to find out.

Dream, Please DON'T Come True!

2011-06-01T19:29:00.001-05:00

I really don't dream a whole lot. Or, at least, I don't remember them if I do. But lately? Oh my goodness, my dreams have been off the wall. And they are very vivid when I wake up.

Last night I dreamt that I woke up in a hospital after being in a coma for 6 months. As if that wasn't already weird enough, there was a baby next to me. My baby. My, obviously, preemie baby.

Apparently, I was raped, and got pregnant, and so I decided that I was going to go beat the guy who did it. Except that he beat the snot out of me first, putting me in the coma. When I woke up and got out the hospital, which happened right away, everybody that Drew and I know were getting ready for a wedding. A bunch of our friends were in the dream, and Maya was there, and she was grown.

Isn't that a crazy dream to have? I mean, who dreams stuff like that? Crazy people like me, that's who!

I'm PUPO

2011-05-27T11:54:00.000-05:00

PUPO means Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise! Big update below:

And, since I know you're all dying to see Maya, here's a picture of her.

I'll try to take some better pictures of her soon and get them posted.

Socks, Egg Retrieval, and Shots, Oh My!

2011-05-22T16:53:00.000-05:00

I was involved in a lucky sock exchange on a message board that I chat on. I received my socks last week and absolutely love them!

As soon as I saw them, I knew that I was going to wear the pair on the left to the ER and the pair on the right to the ET since they say "Happy Socks" and I'm going to be happy to (hopefully) be getting pregnant that day.

Yesterday was ER day. I woke up bright and early since we had to be at the clinic at 8 AM. The clinic is in Chicago, so we knew we needed to leave by about 6 AM. Getting to the clinic was a breeze and there was no traffic to deal with at all. Of course, it probably helped that it was Saturday.

When we arrived at the clinic, we got called back right away. They had a room for me with this sign on the door.

As soon as we got in the room, I got changed in the gown and my lucky socks. The nurse took care of some paperwook and the anesthesiologist came in and started my IV. I had to empty my bladder (twice) and then I went back to the room where they did the ER. It was freezing in there! As I was laying in there, one of the nurses asked if it was my first time. I told her yes, and then asked if it was hers. We both laughed and she said no. Phew!! She told me that she hopes that this is my first and only time. So do I! As I was laying there, I was kind of nervous and I was shaking really bad. The anesthesiologist was standing by my head and he told me to just take deep breaths and he rubbed my head. Awww!

The doctor came in and verified my name and birth date, and then the anesthesiologist put the drugs to put me to sleep in my IV. I will never understand how that stuff works so quick. One second I'm laying there awake and coherent, and the next second I wake up and everything is over. I don't even remember feeling tired and closing my eyes.

When I woke up, I was back in my room and Drew was there. He said that the whole thing only took about 10 minutes. I guess that the anesthesiologist wheeled me back to the room and I kept asking them to take pictures of my socks! Drew said I asked like 10 times for them to take pictures of my socks. I'm mortified! I don't remember this at all. I even prayed on the way to the clinic that I wouldn't word vomit as I was waking up. Fail!

I looked a little rough when I eventually woke up, but I was coherent and in good spirits. Thumbs up to feeling pretty ok. They had put some water and crackers in the room for me for when I woke up. I drank some water since the nurse told me that I had to pee before I could leave. I felt pretty good, just crampy. I told the nurse that I wanted to use the bathroom, basically because I really just wanted to go home. She grabbed my IV bag and told me not to flush the toilet because she had to check when I got done. Um, gross! I don't know what she was looking for, but I guess she saw it, because she told me that she could take my IV out and that I could get dressed.

They told us as we were leaving that they got 13 eggs. The also told us that they would call us the next day with the fertilization report.

When we got home, I spent the majority of the afternoon laying on the couch and sleeping. I had to go take Rachel's prom pictures, and was not feeling very good at all. Somehow I made it through and immediately came home and camped out on the couch again.

I'm on an antibiotic and I need to, of course, take it with food. So, it was time to take my dose last night and I opened up the fridge to find something to eat. A hot dog sounded semi-decent, so I started cooking it up. As soon as it got done, I took my pill and sat down to eat. I got about half way through and knew that it wasn't a good idea anymore. I sure did get sick and threw it up. Gross!

After I felt a little better, it was time for Drew to give me my PIO shot. I, honestly, was terrified. The needle is huge! I'll have to take a picture to compare the needle from the Ganirelix (tiny) and the needle from the PIO (huge). I worried for nothing!

First, let me back up and talk about my trigger shot on Thursday. That needle was the biggest that we had done so far, so I was a little worried. And Drew had to give it to me in my butt cheek. At first, I went to lean over the kitchen counter because I wanted something to support me. Drew tried to stick me and didn't do it hard enough, so it just poked me and hurt. So, he tried it again, and still didn't break the skin! I was in a little pain at this point, and slightly annoyed, so I went to go lay flat on the couch. Thankfully, the third try, he broke skin and gave me the shot. So, that's why I was a little worried about the PIO last night.

Thankfully, Drew had perfected his sticking skills and he managed to break skin the first try and it didn't even hurt at all. Of course, my muscle is really sore today and it hurts to sit.

The clinic called me this morning with the fertilization report. Out of the 13 egg, 7 were mature, and 5 fertilized! They are going to call us again tomorrow to let us know how they are growing.

It's a Go

2011-05-19T12:26:00.000-05:00

I had my final monitoring appointment this morning.

I just can't believe that we're at this point. It's surreal. I'm going to (hopefully) have babies growing in just a few days.

Monitored

2011-05-16T22:47:00.000-05:00

This morning was my first monitoring ultrasound. The RE said that everything looks great and that I'm supposed to continue what I've been doing. I go back in on Thursday for another monitoring ultrasound. Based on that ultrasound, we will make plans for the egg retrieval. As of right now, we're still scheduled for Saturday, but that could go forward or back a day.

Yesterday and today have been a little rough. I'm starting to feel kinda crappy. When I told the RE about some of the side effects, he told me that it's just because of all of the hormones and that it's to be expected.

I need to vent a little bit about my RE's office. I hate, hate, hate feeling like my questions aren't valid or that I'm stressing because I'm asking questions. I get so nervous to ask them any type of question because they act like I shouldn't be worrying about it. I'm not going back to the ob/gyn that I used to go to because of this. I totally understand that these people do treatments with patients everyday, but I don't. This is my first rodeo, and I want to be hand held for the first time. I want to know everything that is going on. I want to know how many follicles I have and how big they are. And I want them to answer my question and take some time to talk to me. I hate feeling like a freaking number in their assembly line of patients. It's frustrating, and I'm frustrated about it.

Thankfully, I know some ladies who have been through this and can help to answer my questions. Thanks girls!!!

Alllll By Myseeeelf

2011-05-14T15:56:00.000-05:00

Drew got called out of town for work, so I'm on my own for a couple of days. He's going to California, Hawaii, Japan, Kurdistan (?), Germany, Canada, Kentucky, Texas, and back home. Basically, he's flying around the world in 4 days. He's scheduled to be back Tuesday.

Here's another vlog (Are you guys liking these?) updating on how the injections are going.

Monday is my first ultrasound. I'm hoping for some good follicle growth news.

Baby Makin' in a Box

2011-05-10T18:46:00.000-05:00

I had the biggest headache of my life yesterday trying to get all of my medication ordered for this IVF cycle. The nurse called me in the morning to let me know that everything was a go, and that she ordered my meds. Shortly after that, the pharmacy called me to let me know what meds and how much it was going to cost. The cost, of course, came to a lot more than I thought it should have come to. After spending a good portion of the morning on the phone with people, Drew and I had called the necessary people and were just waiting for calls back. Of course, those calls didn't come until about 6:15 PM. The total they told me in the morning was right, for the most part, so they ran my debit card.

Declined!

Of course. The card has a daily limit on it, and so I needed to call and have the limit removed for the day. However, we're big idiots, and bank at a small, local bank, and they were closed. They don't even have an after hours number to call so that I could raise my limit. Ok, no problem, I'll just transfer some money around online and use a different card. Except that even the online banking is apparently closed after hours and I couldn't even transfer money. Are you freaking kidding me!!!

So, I had to put some of the balance on a credit card (Grrrrrr!!!!!) and they overnighted my meds to me.

They arrived here this morning. Before you watch, just know that my husband is never allowed to operate the camera with my nice lens on it again. Big dummy didn't realize that he could focus it, so practically the entire video is blurry. Amateur!

(Did I mention that I'm sorry that it's blurry? Because I am!)

All of my medications for display. I was actually expecting more, honestly.

The nurse called me back earlier this afternoon and let me know that she wanted me to start injections today. Drew and I headed into the office so that she could give us a lesson on the injections, and so I could get my calender of dates.

I started 200 iu Follistim injection this afternoon. I continue with 200 iu daily until Saturday. On Saturday, I will still continue the 200 iu of Follistim, but I will also add in an injection of Ganirelix and Estradiol (oral pill). I have my first ultrasound scheduled for Monday, May 16. The nurse said that I will probably have an ultrasound on Monday and Thursday. I have a tentative egg retrieval (ER) of Saturday, May 21 and a tentative embryo transfer (ET) of Thursday, May 26.

Drew and I did the first injection earlier this afternoon. I got the pen prepped and Drew administered it. It actually wasn't awful. The needle is pretty tiny. It burned slightly as he was injecting the medication, and afterwards, the injection site was a little itchy and burny. After a few minutes, it went away and I feel totally fine now. Let's just hope that they all go that well and that I continue to feel fine.

And So It Begins

2011-05-06T22:16:00.000-05:00

I decided to shake things up around here a little bit and do a vlog. Enjoy!!

All Grown Up

2011-05-01T20:53:00.000-05:00

On Friday, I took my younger brother and sister's senior pictures. I can't believe that they're all grown up and graduating high school. Where does the time go?

(I probably won't blog a lot about my photography business here, but since it's family, I'm going to blog about this session.)

Friday, late afternoon, we went to a park close to my house. I knew that Rachel would enjoy getting her photos done, but I didn't think Greg would. Surprisingly, he seemed to really enjoy himself. And I got some great images from him.

I am really proud of these images. I got so many winners.

Since I am apparently an idiot, I told my mom that I would have the pictures ready for her today. That's right, 2 days after I shot them. Big mistake. I'm not a big fan of the editing process and I didn't get to take nearly as many breaks as I like to. Bummer! Needless to say, I won't be making a promise like that again!

Surprisingly, I didn't shed a tear while shooting their session. I'm not making any promises about their graduation day though!

Real Life Fairytale

2011-04-29T23:31:00.000-05:00

The world has been buzzing about this day since Prince William and Catherine Middleton announced their engagement back in November. I know that I have been looking forward to it. I wasn't born yet when Prince Charles married Lady Diana back in 1981, so I was ecstatic to be able to witness such a piece of history this time.

Since I don't have a typical job anymore, I've really gotten myself into a weird sleep pattern. I usually don't go to bed until 2 or 3 AM and then wake up somewhere between 10 AM and noon. I know, I'm such a slacker, aren't I? I got into bed by about 2 AM this morning and was listening to the TV as I played Solitaire on my phone to get myself tired. I found some Royal Wedding coverage that started at 2:30 AM, so I did what any obsessed person would do; I turned it on. Even though I had already set the DVR to record the event. Nothing beats watching it live, right? Well, as soon as I started watching the coverage, I knew that there was no way that I would be able to shut it off and go to sleep, even though I had a busy day today. So, I stayed up all night and watched it!

It was so exciting to watch this event happening live. I am still so in love with everything wedding and would get married again in a heartbeat. (To the same man, of course!)

There was so much speculation over Kate's dress, and the world was not disappointed.

Personally, it wasn't my style. I loved the lace, and I think she looked absolutely stunning in it. However, the bra cups ruined it for me. They looked pointy and awkward to me. Her veil and tiara were magnificent.

I can only imagine the nerves that she had before making her long walk down the aisle. And she had such a long walk, I heard someone say that it took her 4 minutes. Crazy!

The ceremony lasted about an hour. Prince William and Kate exchanged vows and he gave her a ring. After some readings, blessings, and music, they went to a private room to sign the marriage registry. After that, they exited Westminster Abbey. No first kiss!! I'm betting that they snuck a kiss back in the private room. At least, I would have.

The newlyweds rode in a carriage to Buckingham Palace, where a reception was being hosted by the Queen.

Speaking of the Queen, doesn't she look stunning in yellow!

After a short break, where I fell asleep for about an hour, the newlyweds emerged on the balcony at Buckingham Palace to greet the public. And share their first kiss!

There is another reception this evening, and Kate changed gowns. Personally, I like this one much better.

Today was truly a real life fairytale. A common girl became a Duchess, a Princess, the future Queen of England. I loved being able to watch this event today and I'll love being able to look back on it and remember.

Busy Weekend

2011-04-18T21:25:00.000-05:00

I had a very busy weekend. On Saturday, Drew and I went to his cousin's wedding.

Brad, who is Drew's cousin and was the photographer for our wedding, was the photographer for this wedding. It was great to catch up with him. The ceremony was at a beautiful church in Aurora. I think it was one of the quickest ceremonies I have ever seen. No complaints here though!

After the ceremony, there was a receiving line. We met the bride's parents for the first time. When Drew introduced me to her mom, she said, "Well, you look like you're about 12". I know that people don't mean it bad, but it really is rather insulting. People could at least say that I look legal :)

The reception was held at a beautiful golf club. We were dubbed the "cool table" and we really had a great group of people. They were all new people and we definitely made new friends.

This is Charlotte, me, and Ali. Charlotte and Ali are from Tennessee and Ali has known Rob (the groom) for many years. Rachel and her husband, Noah, were also at our table. Seriously, such fun people. During dinner, I decided to try a little White Zinfandel, basically because the color of it looked pretty. Who knew that it tasted so good!?! I had three glass of wine that night, which is about two more glasses than I usually have. I was feeling good!

I looked over during dinner and saw Ibrahim snuggled up on Brad. He was so sleepy and looked adorable trying to sleep.

Sunday, I went to Amanda's baby shower. I'm lame, and didn't take any pictures. Frankly, it was hard for me. I really hope that I'm at least pregnant at the next baby shower that I attend.

The other Drew is in town this week with his family, so after the shower, I met up with everybody (Drew was already with them) and we hung out for awhile. Emma is talking up a storm and I can't believe that she's going to be 2 in a couple of months. Where does the time go?

Afternoon Nap Buddies

2011-04-12T17:15:00.000-05:00

Does it get any more precious than that?

Slight Delay

2011-04-08T23:31:00.000-05:00

My BFF (my period) decided to make an appearance on Tuesday. I called my RE's office to let the nurse know. She told me that she didn't have the results of my biopsy yet, but that we could go ahead and get started on the meds for IVF if we wanted to.

Drew and I talked about it, and we decided that we're going to wait and start next month. We have a wedding to attend next weekend, and I have a baby shower the next day, and I don't know how the meds are going to make me feel. So now, I just have to hope and wish and pray that the days fall nicely so that I don't miss my sister's Prom and their graduation.

I did get the results of my biopsy today, and they are positive, which is good, that's what we wanted.

I'm feeling a little nervous about this. I feel like I'm putting all of my eggs in one basket. I have looked forward to doing IVF ever since my OB/GYN told me that I would need IVF in order to get pregnant. So why is it that now that it's almost here, I'm terrified?

I'm scared of it not working. I'm scared that I will have gone this far and take a whole bunch of medicine and something will go wrong in the process and we won't even get to the point where we can transfer an embryo. I'm terrified that we will be able to transfer an embryo and that it won't stick, or that I'll miscarry. I just don't know if my heart can take that.

What I do know though, is that I wouldn't be ok with not trying. As scared as I am of everything to come, I'm more scared of what would happen if we didn't try. I think that I'm just scared of the unknown right now, and how much unknown there is in this.

A Good Man

2011-04-04T21:47:00.001-05:00

Drew's grandpa passed away on Tuesday, March 29, and today was his funeral. He lived such a full and amazing life that it was so special to hear stories about his past.

He enlisted in the Army Air Corps in 1942. He was shot down over Germany and became a POW. He was honorably discharged in September 1945, and returned to school. He met Drew's grandma his first night back, and they were married in November. Yes, they married 2 months later! And they have been married 65 years!!! If that's not inspiration, I don't know what is.

He spent many, many years doing many, many jobs and touching and inspiring many, many people. Those are really the best words that I can use to sum it up, and they aren't very good at all. The stories of people who spoke at his funeral were amazing. He accomplished so much!

After the funeral at the church, we went to the grave site. There, there was a 21 gun salute and a presentation of the flag to his wife. I have never witnessed a military funeral before, and the presentation of the flag was the breaking point for me. I had gotten choked up before that point, but that moment actually brought tears to my eyes.

His funeral really made me think a lot about life. Drew's grandpa touched so many people, and they all had such great things to say about it. Who have you touched in your life? What will they say about you?

Open For Business

2011-04-02T17:07:00.000-05:00

I have finally launched my website and have opened up for business! Yay!!!

My website is Tania Beth Photography. You can also find me on Facebook by searching for Tania Beth Photography. Stop by, say Hi, and Like me!

I am so excited to see where this takes me!!

Mortified

2011-03-31T23:07:00.000-05:00

I had my uterine lining biopsy today and it was awful. Just plain awful! Let's start at the beginning, shall we.

Like an idiot, I didn't take any tylenol or anything before my appointment. This shall now be known as "mistake #1". Drew and I were called back into the exam and I undressed. The RE came in and began the procedure. First, he swabbed my cervix with some iodine stuff. Not bad, I just felt a little poking around, nothing bad at all. Then, he used a tool that sort of resembled what he uses to do the IUIs. He inserted it and I felt a little cramping. I was just trying to breathe through the whole thing. Then, the RE mumbles something to the nurse, who was holding my hand, and she lets go and grabs something out of the cabinet. It's a package and it sure looked like some long bladed scissors. Drew later confirmed this. RE then inserts the new tool and HOLY HELL THAT FREAKING HURTS!!!!! And cramps!!!! Nurse tells me that it's almost over and so I lay there and wait.

And wait.

And wait.

Lying liar! It was at least another 30 seconds or so before it was over, and when you're in pain, 30 seconds is a long time. The RE put the specimen in a container that the nurse was holding and I can see a few small flecks in there. I then heard him say that it was probably enough. Good thing, doc, because you certainly weren't going to go back in for Round 2!!

The RE removed all of his fun tools and the nurse told me to just lay there for a minute until the pain goes away. As I laid there, she told me that my results would be back on Tuesday or Wednesday. I asked her what I do if my period shows up before then and she said that it shouldn't, but to call her if it does. I was still pretty crampy at this point, but I really wanted to go home and take some tylenol and lay on the couch. So, I start to get up and get dressed. This shall now be known as "mistake #2". Once dressed, the nurse walked us out to the area of the office where you make your next appointment. I started to feel very warm and very light-headed, so I told Drew that I needed to sit down. Everybody starts to go into panic mode and the nurse gets me some water. Then, I said that I felt like I was going to throw up. I really didn't want to throw up. I willed myself not to throw up. It didn't matter. I threw up. In the middle of the office, I threw up.

I. was. mortified.

I felt a lot better after that. After laying there for a few minutes, I put my jacket on and Drew helped me to the car. The entire time I'm walking out of that office, I'm just apologizing profusely. I was so embarrassed, but the nurse just kept reassuring me that it was okay.

We came home, I took some Aleve, ate some banana bread, and promptly fell asleep.

At this point, all I can say, is that those darn results better come back okay. I'm certainly not going through that again!

If You Have Hope

2011-03-29T22:41:00.001-05:00

Tonight, Drew and I were out running errands and I was starving. We stopped into Panda Express to grab a quick dinner. The fortune cookie is my favorite part of the meal. I don't usually put a lot of faith in what they say, but this one caught my eye.

L-O-V-E!!!!

I love when I get a fortune that I can actually apply to my life. I have hope that I WILL get pregnant, and that I WILL be a mother, and that it WILL be soon.

It is so easy to get down during this process. Every month, when that stupid pee stick only has one line, a little bit of hope goes out the window. After months and months of that, it's hard to have hope at all. This message is exactly what I needed to keep my hope alive.

We're Moving On

2011-03-24T19:30:00.000-05:00

Today, Drew and I met with the RE. The good news?

We're moving on and doing In-Vitro Fertilization or IVF.

We sat with Dr. H and he told us that it was time to move on. I figured that it was coming. So, we discussed a lot of things that are going to be answered in the coming weeks.

At this point, after doing the IUI's, we know that the issue more than likely lies with me. Drew produces excellent numbers. Since I have primary infertility, some concerns that we will be taking a look at are my eggs, including maturity, number, and quality, whether my eggs have a hatching problem, and whether I have an implantation problem.

The first thing that we are going to test is my uterine lining to make sure that it's sticky for implantation to occur. A fertilized egg can't attach to my uterus if my lining is ideal. Here's the analogy that he used:

In your lawn, you want a nice, thick, green grass. You don't want any crabgrass. In order to get that nice lawn, you have to do fertilizer and proper maintenance. So, he says that my endo is crabgrass, and that I could possibly have some crabgrass in my uterus, meaning it's not sticky.

The first thing that he will do in this IVF process is a biopsy of my uterine lining. He will send that off to a lab to test the stickiness of it. If it is not sticky, he will do something, which could be equated to using a dethatcher on your lawn, in order to help my lining. I actually didn't go into too many details about this with him, because I'm going to stay positive that my lining is not the issue. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

So, assuming that the biopsy comes back good, as soon as I get my period, we can start the stimming process. Basically, I'll just be bombarded with hormones to stimulate my ovaries, then the doctor will do an egg retrieval, the ICSI to fertilize the mature eggs, then an embryo transfer.

We have a mountain of paperwork to go through. I'm excited, anxious, nervous, scared, hopeful, there are a million emotions running through me. I do plan on blogging about this. While this struggle has not been a pleasant one, I don't want to forget it.

Lent List Project: Organize Entryway Closet

2011-03-19T23:49:00.000-05:00

I completed the first project on my Lent List tonight. Since winter is almost over and we won't be going in the closet nearly as much, I figured that I would start there. Plus, it was the one that was annoying me the most.

Before

Ewww, right! Just piles of crap everywhere.

So, I bought some baskets and did a quick clean up and I am very happy with the results!

After

Much better, right?

On to the next project!

Blessings

2011-03-18T16:58:00.000-05:00

When we bought our new car back in July, one of the features was that it came with XM radio. I have been spending a lot of time listening to the The Message, which is one of the Christian music stations. I heard this song a couple of weeks ago and I just love it.

It amazes me how God sends me a message exactly when I need to hear.

Lent List

2011-03-08T01:03:00.000-06:00

Lent starts tomorrow. Lent is the 40 days leading up to Easter, starting at Ash Wednesday. This time marks a time of sacrifice in order to honor the time that Jesus spent in the desert.

Usually, people will give something up as a sacrifice. Since I know that giving something up at this point in my life is really going to do nothing more than piss me off, I have decided to do something a little different. I have decided to add something in.

I have decided that I am going to focus on being a better wife for Drew. I don't feel like our home is as clean as it should, considering the fact that I do not work outside of the house. Our home is clean, but not nearly as spotless as should be expected. I am going to focus on that. I am going to work on planning and making good dinners for Drew to eat while he's working. (This may be really tough because I strongly dislike cooking.) I am also going to work on bringing more organization to our home.

Here's my Lent List of things to accomplish in the next 40 days:

Organize entryway closet

Get basket for winter accessories
Organize shoes

Clean out dresser
Organize guest bedroom closet
Organize office closet
Organize office

Clean and organize desk
Get new desk?
Clean and organize bookshelf
Purge wall hangings

Clean out my closet
Newlywed map
Clean out pantry

I definitely have my work cut out for me, but I think that it should be a good challenge. On top of all of these tasks that I want to complete, I also will be focusing on cleaning my house more thoroughly. Bathrooms will be cleaned completely once a week, as opposed to me just cleaning them when they got dirty. Carpet will be vacuumed at least once, if not twice, a week. Floors will be mopped once a week. I will dust once a week. I will clean off the tables every night, as they have a tendency to be a clutter spot for stuff that Drew drops. Usually, I'll just clean an area as it gets dirty. These next 40 days will force me to stay on top of things.

Moving On?

2011-03-03T22:35:00.000-06:00

I had my beta appointment today. It was negative. But we already knew that, right? Especially after the devastation of two weeks ago.

When the nurse called me to give me the results, she told me that the RE wants to meet with us to decide where to go from here. I figured we were going to be taking a break this cycle anyways. We have an appointment to meet with him on March 24th.

I'm wishing and hoping and praying that he is going to let us move on to IVF. I really felt defeated after our 2nd IUI failed despite amazing numbers. I feel like IVF is our only chance of conceiving and bringing home a healthy baby.

I hope that the next three weeks go by quickly!

Catching Up

2011-03-02T22:44:00.000-06:00

I've been quite the blog slacker lately, but for very good reason. I have finally decided to take the plunge and open my own photography business. I have been hard at work researching so many different things, setting up the blog that I'm going to launch, working on pricing details, and did I mention researching?

Drew has been hard at work on the basement. I promise that I will take some pictures tomorrow or the next day and post some progress. It's grown bigger than we originally planned. Don't projects always work that way? The other Drew is coming into town mid April, so Drew is shooting to have it done by then.

I'm planning on going tomorrow to get my business license. I'm so excited! I've really been trying hard to get all of my ducks in a row before opening things up to clients. I'm just about ready and I'm so nervous and anxious and excited about it.

Under Construction

2011-02-26T12:29:00.000-06:00

I'm working on making some changes to the ol' blog and working on launching the blog for my photography business. Because of that, things might look a little wonky around here for a little bit. Hang tight! I'll have everything looking normal again in a couple of days after I get everything all set up and situated.

Drew Turns 31

2011-02-22T23:13:00.000-06:00

Today is Drew's 31st birthday. After the surprise party that I threw for him last year, I knew he would just rather have a low key celebration at home. Plus, when he bought me my birthday present, he told me that he didn't want a big gift. He really wants to see me succeed with my photography venture.

So, I bought him the new Zac Brown Band CD that he told me that he wanted, and we just hung out around the house. Low key, but nice nonetheless.

Happy Birthday Drew!!!

Redemption

2011-02-21T22:30:00.000-06:00

I just wanted to share a couple of photos that I recently took of Leo.

Just a quick toss, Mom, to get the static out!

Watch cat.

He's lucky he's cute and can redeem himself after all the trouble that he gets into.

New Glass

2011-02-20T15:10:00.001-06:00

I just purchased a new lens! SQUEEEEEEEE!!!! Drew gave me his blessing and encouraged me to purchase some new glass and even pushed me to purchase a better one than I originally had my eye on.

You see, I was going to purchase a 50mm f/1.4. I hesitated though. I know that a good quality prime will be amazing to shoot with, but I just didn't know if I would miss the ability to zoom. I love being able to zoom on my kit lenses. So, I bought the Nikkor 24-70mm f/2.8G.

Isn't that a thing of beauty? It is scheduled to arrive here on Thursday. I ended up ordering from B&H, which is extremely reputable. The best part? Free shipping and no tax!

Who wants to do a session?

Chocoholic Frolic 2011

2011-02-18T13:08:00.000-06:00

Last night was the annual Chocoholic Frolic at the Clock Tower Resort. My aunt, my mom, and I all had such a great time last year, that we immediately knew we had to go this year. We also added a few more people to our group.

In the back is Erin, my aunt Lori, my cousin's girlfriend Sheena, and my mom. My sister and I are in the front.

The doors opened at 6:30 PM and everybody poured into the room. They made a smart decision, and decided to put the chocolate fountain in the middle of the room this year. I made a beeline to that and immediately grabbed a marshmallow and strawberry to dip in the chocolate. YUM!!

There were these cute little signs on all the tables. I only got a shot of this one though. I think that it's cute that they have all the chocolate sayings on them. I do wish that they would have had more garbages set out. At almost every station, the chocolate was handed out on some paper or a plastic cup, and there was nowhere to throw the garbage. I spent more time hunting down a garbage can so I could throw away my trash and have a free hand than eating the chocolate.

This is a chocolate hazelnut martini. It was just ok to me. Everybody else loved it, but I wasn't too crazy about the hazelnut flavor.

There were so many different kinds of chocolate. Unfortunately, I was still feeling kind of crappy, so I wasn't able to enjoy it nearly as much as I would have liked to. I did have a few favorites though. I enjoyed the Poor Man's Turtles, Triple Chocolate Parfait, and Chocolate Marble Cake.

I already can't wait for next year!

Broken Down

2011-02-17T21:01:00.000-06:00

Soooo. . . . .
I had a monitoring ultrasound this morning. It wasn't good. First off, let me just say that I have felt like death since Saturday. Everyday has been filled with headaches, dizziness, hot flashes, nausea, and to top it all off, I was spotting last night and this morning. I have never spotted mid-cycle, ever! I have never felt this crappy taking the Clomid.

I was really looking forward to my appointment this morning so that I could tell them about how I've been feeling. I assumed that I was overstimulated and that's why I was feeling so crappy. That's couldn't be farther from the truth. I only have one measurable follicle, and a bunch of little ones. My doctor came in to talk to me and he said that I'm not feeling crappy from the medicine and he thinks that I've responded so poorly because I've felt so crappy. He says that my body has no interest in getting pregnant when I feel this way. Then he told me that he thinks I'm suffering from the flu. What a quack! Does he honestly mean to tell me that I've been suffering from flu-like symptoms since Saturday without actually coming down with the flu.

So, they did the trigger shot and Drew and I are just going to have some fun on our own. Doc doesn't think it's worth it to do the IUI. He says that it's not impossible to get pregnant, but from the sound of it, he's not holding his breath. I'm still going to take all of the hormones. I know that it only takes one egg and one sperm, so I'm trying to be optimistic. We have also decided that we'll probably take next month off from the meds. Although, if I get a negative test in a couple of weeks, I may ask them if I can take a different kind of medicine (Femara) that doesn't have the side effects that Clomid does.

I just feel defeated. I'm obviously upset. I try so hard not to be bitter towards people who are pregnant or have babies, but it's hard. God knows how badly I want to be a mother, and I'm having a difficult time trying to put my trust in Him. I feel forgotten about. I feel like everybody else gets to live my dream and there is nothing that I can do but change my dreams. What makes this even harder is that nobody close to me understands what I'm going through. I have no close friends that I can talk to about this. And I need somebody to talk to. I need a shoulder to cry on.

Dear Clomid

2011-02-14T00:08:00.002-06:00

You suck a lot this month!

Usually the side effects that I experience from the Clomid aren't too bad. I get the occasional hot flash, but nothing too traumatic. This month has been a whole different story!

I have had a few hot flashes. The headaches have been awful. I can still function, but they aren't fun. I was so nauseous yesterday that I had to spend a good portion of the day laying on the couch. The worst one of all, I have been a hormonal mess. Poor Drew. He's probably ready to lock me away with how crazy I've been. I can go from completely fine to uber bitch in about 0.5 seconds flat.

I definitely think that I'm going to be mentioning these side effects when I go to my appointment on Thursday. I don't know if I can do another month like this if the IUI doesn't work this month.

Until Death Do Us Part

2011-02-11T00:56:00.001-06:00

Those 5 words. They hold quite a lot, don't they? I know that Drew and I said them to each other on our wedding day. The day that we stood in front of our families, our friends, and GOD and confessed our love for each other and our desire to stay with each other UNTIL DEATH DO US PART. The traditional wedding vows contain that phrase and most couples say them to each other on their wedding day.

So, what happens along the way where people forget that promise? How can they forget the day that they promised each other the greatest promise that will ever leave their lips? What goes wrong?

I know that Drew and I haven't been married for very long. In fact, in the grand scheme of life, we've barely made a blip in the line. However, divorce is NOT an option for us!!! I am adamant about this. We were very clear to lay that out on the table before he even asked for my hand in marriage. The only thing that could happen that would cause me to divorce my husband is if he started beating on me or my child. That's it. Physical harm would be the only case where divorce would be brought into the possible solutions. I can also promise that there would be many bills to a therapist before any decision was made.

Drew and I had a discussion the other day about couples and divorce. I told him that I could never imagine another partner in my life but him. We have been through so much together. How could anyone possibly take his place? How could things ever get so bad that we forget to put our love and marriage first.

I have made it known that our marriage will come first in our lives. Even after we have children, our marriage will take precedence. I fully believe that if you don't have a good marriage, you can't be good parents. Children need to be raised in a home where they see their parents loving and respecting one another. If they don't see that, the children will not respect the parents, their peers, or even their future mates. The children will learn that the behavior they see their parents display is acceptable and will emulate that in their lives. Now, if one parent constantly disrespects the other, the child will pick up on that behavior and carry it into their subsequent relationships. Drew and I will be taking the time out of lives to put our marriage first when children come into the picture. We will have date nights and vacations alone, as a couple. I fully believe that this is of the utmost importance.

I also wonder, what makes people so selfish in a relationship. A relationship, a marriage, is about two people working together. It takes two people to give, two people to compromise, two people to put effort into growing and building the relationship. Why do people put habits, or material things, in front of their marriage? Drew chews, and I hate it, with a passion. I hate to look at him when he has that stupid lump in his lip. He looks extremely unattractive and it's a gross habit. If I were to tell Drew that it bothered me that badly, he would stop. He would no longer chew if it meant saving our marriage. However, I don't think that I'd be so selfish to end my marriage over something so stupid. And he would whole-heartedly agree. There was a time when we used to sleep with an extra blanket on top of the bed. After making the bed in the morning, I would just throw the blanket in a wad somewhere on the bottom corner of the bed. Drew told me one day that it really bothered him that I didn't fold it. I never knew he actually cared that much. Ever since that day, the blanket was neatly folded and placed on the end of bed. Simple things that each person can do in a relationship to make life better for the other.

Drew and I don't have a perfect relationship. Nobody does. We quarrel. We bicker. We nit pick at each other. But at the end of day? We love each other. We respect each other. We love and respect one another when we're alone, and in front of other people too. I know that I have called Drew out on some of his dumb moves, and have made them public. Drew has managed to get two speeding tickets in the six months that we've owned the Acadia. When I posted it on Facebook, the other Drew called me out and told me to quit throwing him under the bus. I never call Drew out maliciously. Was I a little angry when he got home? I sure was. But, I'm also quite sarcastic, and whatever gets posted publicly is always for a laugh and never in anger or disrespect. He knows that. Drew knows that any feelings that I have that are negative or angry are for us, behind closed doors.

I've sort of gone off the beaten path on this post. My point, is that marriage is a covenant that is entered into until death. It is the biggest promise that you make to your spouse. If you can't honor that, how can you expect your spouse to trust anything that you ever say again? I urge you to look into your marriage and see if there are things that can be done to love and respect your spouse more. Remember that it takes two people in a relationship, both putting forth effort.

I Get By. . .

2011-02-05T17:50:00.000-06:00

. . . With a little help from my friends.

I walked out to the mailbox earlier this afternoon to put a birthday card in there for my brother-in-law. When I opened the door, I saw something in there and my first thought was, "Oh damn, the mail's already come".

As I pulled out the contents, I quickly realized that it wasn't a typical package. Wanna see what it was?

Conversation hearts!!! Yes, I even squealed a little bit. When I got inside, I opened up the card to find out who had left such a sweet gift, even though I already had an inkling. I was right by my guess, but I wasn't prepared for what was inside. My friend, Khristy, had also gotten me a gift card to Lundgren's Camera that was totally unnecessary.

I cried. Big, fat, happy tears. I showed Drew and asked him if he knew anything about this. He did. Surprisingly, he was able to keep that secret! I started to cry and he was worried that I was sad. I told him that they were happy tears because I don't think I've ever had a friend do something so sweet for me.

I am so blessed that Khristy came into my life. She is the wife of one of Drew's coworkers. I always joke that Donny is Drew's boyfriend, because of how they act around each other. They went to A&P school together, so they spent A LOT of time together, and now they work together. I love how we have so many couple friends that we can hang out with.

"A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter; he who finds one finds a treasure." - Sirach 6:14

Negative

2011-02-03T16:30:00.000-06:00

My 2nd IUI was a big fat fail.

There really are no words because my heart is broken.

Blizzard 2011

2011-02-02T20:49:00.000-06:00

Snopocolypse!

Snowmageddon!

SnOMG!

We just had the blizzard of a lifetime here in the Midwest. The snow started yesterday at about 3 PM and continued to pummel the area until sometime this morning. The wind was absolutely insane. The house made noises and felt like it was going to fall down at any moment.

I took this picture at about 1 AM. Notice Drew's right arm on the right side.

This is the same drift taken this afternoon.

This is the south side of our house. That snow drift goes about halfway up the door! Crazy!

And here's our mailbox.

All of this ice can't possibly be good for my gutters!

I am so over winter. I usually am way before now, but these snow storms just push it over the edge. Is it spring yet?

Chicken Pasta Primavera

2011-02-01T23:37:00.000-06:00

I haven't posted a lot of recipes on here, so I thought that I'd share one of my favorites since Drew made it tonight for dinner. We found this recipe in a Taste of Home "Meals in Minutes" recipe card book that we have.

Prep time: 20 minutes

Yield: 6 servings

6 ounces uncooked spaghetti

1 can (10-3/4 ounces) condensed cream of chicken soup, undiluted

3/4 cup water

1 tablespoon lemon juice

1-1/2 teaspoons dried basil

3/4 teaspoon garlic powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/4 teaspoon pepper

1 package (16 ounces) frozen California-blend vegetables, thawed (We usually used frozen mixed vegetables.)

4 cups cubed cooked chicken breast (We usually use the packaged chicken pieces that you can use for salads and things.)

3 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese

1) Cook spaghetti according to package directions.

2) Meanwhile, in a large saucepan, combine the soup, water, lemon juice, basil, garlic powder, salt, and pepper. Stir in vegetables; bring to boil.

3) Reduce heat; cover and simmer for 3-5 minutes or until vegetables are tender.

4) Stir in chicken; heat through.

5) Drain spaghetti; add to chicken mixture and toss to coat. Sprinkle with Parmesan cheese.

Secrets, Secrets Are No Fun

2011-01-30T22:59:00.000-06:00

My birthday is next Sunday, February 6th. I know, I am sooooo lucky to have my birthday be on the same day as the Superbowl. NOT!! Anyways, Drew can't keep a secret to save his life. In fact, our first Christmas together, he gave me my gift three days early because he couldn't wait. So, I really shouldn't be surprised about this.

After we got done with dinner, Drew sat down on the couch.

"When do you want your birthday present?" he asked.

"On my birthday."

"No, I can't wait that long! I want to give it to you now."

"It's not my birthday. Let's do it on Thursday, since you have the day off."

"No, I really want to give it to you now. I can't wait that long."

At this point, he commences to beg me to let him give it to me now. I finally gave in and he scampered off like an excited child at Christmas.

He returned to the living room, and after making me close my eyes and hold out my hands, he put a box in my hand containing this:

A Speedlight! SQUEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! He also gave me an off-camera remote cord.

I'm stoked. Just stoked. The even better news is that the local camera store is offering a Speedlight class at the end of March. Guess who's going to sign up tomorrow? This girl right here!

Music Speaks What The Soul Feels

2011-01-28T15:30:00.000-06:00

I was doing some blog hopping the other day and I came across a blog that had a song on it. I so wish I had saved the blog so I could link to it, but alas, I suck, and didn't. So, if that person should happen to come acoss my blog, let me know so I can link to you.

Anyways, she stated that this song described how she felt about her infertility. After listening to it, I couldn't agree more.

I bawled the first time I heard it. Bawled! This is one of the toughest things that I have ever had to go through in my life. While I don't wish infertility on anybody, I wish that more people understood the struggle that we go through.

Decisions, Decisions

2011-01-25T13:48:00.002-06:00

Picking a paint color isn't usually that hard for me. I get an idea of what color I want, and then just have to pick a shade of that color. I knew that I wanted something neutral and light for the hallways. Boy, did I have my work cut out for me.

I think that we're going to go with the swatch that has the arrow pointing to it. It's called Patience. How ironic, right?

Guest Room Tour: Part 1

2011-01-24T18:31:00.000-06:00

We've completed the "bones" of the guest room, so I thought that I would break out the camera and take another video. As a side note, I still look pretty hideous, although my hair looks better. And I really hope to have a better video camera by the time we get done with this project.

Isn't that such an amazing difference so far. I can't believe how different the room looks. We've moved the furniture back in and have changed the outlets and covers to white. All I'm waiting for is the rug that I ordered, and I need to find some artwork for the walls.

Take 2

2011-01-20T23:31:00.000-06:00

This morning was my second IUI. Drew provided a great sample - 67mil post wash and 92% motility!! My appointment went way better than last time. The doctor actually spent longer than two minutes in the room, and I have the good nurse!

The only bad news, is that my beta is three days before my birthday. I'm either going to have a really sucky birthday present, or the best one I've ever gotten. I'm wishing and praying and hoping that it's the best one!

And now. . . we wait.

Hello Old Friend

2011-01-19T17:56:00.000-06:00

Drew and I had a monitoring ultrasound this morning at the RE's office. I met with my good friend, the dildo cam, again. Good news! I have 4 good sized follicles, 2 on each side, a 16, a 19, a 20, and a 24mm. Nurse Michelle gave me the trigger shot in my ass again. (I don't remember my ass hurting this badly last time. I can barely walk it's so sore.) Drew has to drop his sample off at 8:45 tomorrow morning and my appointment is at 10:45.

Please say some prayers that the IUI works this time. I'll have my beta right before my birthday and would really love to hear that I'm pregnant for a birthday present.

What Do We Need a Dog For??

2011-01-18T17:42:00.001-06:00

Drew has been begging me for a dog since we bought our house at the end of February 2009. He's always grown up having a dog, and well, I haven't. I have never had a dog for a pet. It's not that I don't like dogs. For the most part, I don't have a problem with them. Well, except for Max, one of Drew's parents dogs. He decided that he would french kiss me one morning while I was sleeping. We haven't been friends since. But, the other Drew's dogs. I love his dogs! They are so well behaved and he has trained them so well. I know that a lot of that has to do with the owner, and he's obviously worked very hard with them.

When I was doing the IUI cycle in November/December, I made the decision that if I got pregnant, I would get Drew a dog for Christmas. I would have 9 months to train the dog before we had the baby and that seemed pretty good to me. But, I didn't wind up pregnant, so no dog. I haven't closed off the idea all together, but we just aren't getting a dog right now.

I always keep telling Drew that we don't need a dog. We have two cats and they are plenty enough animals for us. Drew doesn't agree. But then, when Leo does his "trick", I know that I'm totally right. We don't need a dog to play fetch with...

See? What the heck do we need a dog for?

Spent

2011-01-17T21:51:00.000-06:00

We've obviously been doing a lot of remodeling work to the house lately. In light of all these improvements, I knew that I had to create a way to track our costs better than just throwing all of the receipts in a folder.

Enter Microsoft Excel. Excel is designed specifically for OCD people, like me, who have to have organization in their lives. So, I created a document where we can enter all of the cost information associated with our repairs.

This screen shot was taken at the beginning stages of the project. Since the basement remodel is fresh in my mind, I started there. I have a column for the item, when we purchased it, where we purchased it from, how many we purchased, the price of each one, the tax that was charged with each item, and the total cost for that item. Yeah, I went all out! I also added a column for notes. This way I can denote when we rented something or anything else that may be pertinent. I plan on adding extra sheets for exterior and interior improvements.

Ahhhhh, I love organizations!

Sugar Rush

2011-01-16T21:06:00.000-06:00

I am NOT the type of girl that likes Valentine's Day. I never have, and I probably never will. Well, until I have kids and I'm forced to make a big deal out of stupid "Hallmark Holidays" like that. I don't understand why there has to be a day to let the person you love know that you love them. I let Drew know every day that I love him, and he lets me know every day that he loves me. I don't understand the girls that go BSC over it. They have to have flowers, candy, presents, dinner out, the whole works. Why??? It sure means a heck of a lot more to me when Drew randomly surprises me with something, rather than have society dictate to him when he should surprise me with something.

But, there is one reason and one reason only that I love Valentine's Day.

CONVERSATION HEARTS!!!!

I have eaten two whole bags in a little over a week. All by myself. And I don't feel guilty one little bit.

AYKM: Must Be In The Water

2011-01-14T21:18:00.000-06:00

Is it just me, or is, like, EVERYBODY pregnant!! I feel like every time I open up the Internet, there is a new celebrity pregnancy announcement. And, if no celebrity has come forth and spilled the beans over their impending arrival that day, then it's an announcement on Facebook. Just take a look at all of the celebrities that have announced a pregnancy lately:

Alicia Silverstone
Kate Hudson
Pink
Mariah Carey
Natalie Portman
Selma Blair
Tia Mowry
Jewel
Victoria Beckham

And those are just off the top of my head and the people that I recognize. AYKM!!!!

Now, don't get me wrong. I am extremely happy for each and every person who gets pregnant. Well, except for the teenagers who shouldn't be having sex in the first place.

I'm trying to remain optimistic and hopeful and positive for this coming IUI. I'm trying not to stress out. But, God, can I please be the next one to get pregnant? Please?

Required for Happiness

2011-01-11T01:55:00.000-06:00

Have you met Lindsay over at Designer Wife? I heart her! She makes me laugh and she is such a sweet, sweet girl. She recently did a post 'Measuring Happiness'. I loved her post so much, that I want to do a post here too.

Kant said that we require three things by which to measure happiness: someone to love, something we like to do, and something to look forward to.

Whoa! This has certainly got me thinking. We can measure our happiness by three things. Just three simple things. Someone to love, something we like to do, and something we look forward to. Let's delve into this a little bit, shall we?

The first part: Someone to love. Yep, I've got that one completely covered.

Drew is, quite literally, my other half. He absolutely completes me. He can make me laugh through the tears and promise that things will always get better when they're hard. And we've had some hard times. We have had so many joyous times also. There is nobody that I would rather travel this journey with than him.

The second part: Something we like to do.

Photography - I have such a passion for photography, and this year, I am going to work so hard on improving my photography and possibly turning it into a business for myself. This is something that I really want to pursue with full force. I am going to take classes, and do research, and shove my camera in everybody's face to try and get some practice.
Blog - I really do enjoy blogging about my life and the things that happen. I'll frequently look back and go, "Oh yeah! I forgot that happened." I am kind of a sucky blogger at times though. Since this is something that I am professing that I like to do, I need to blog more frequently.
Being surrounded by people - I like spending my time with people that I care about. I have sort of turned into quite the hermit crab since my unfortunate dismissal from my place of employment. But, I want to start venturing out and making new friends. See part three on how I plan on achieving this.

The third part: Something to look forward to.

Here's hoping I get pregnant very, very soon so that I can look forward to the healthy birth of our child. That would be the best thing to look forward to.
I'm going to work on building my faith. I want to go back to attending church regularly. I want to join a Bible study group. I'm looking forward to growing closer to God. I'm looking forward to making new friends who are building their relationships with God also.
Vacations and road trips. I love being able to get out of town for awhile. Even if it's just for one night, I always feel so refreshed afterwards. It's difficult for us to make any sort of far-in-advanced vacation plans due to my endometriosis and fertility treatments, but I would love if we could make more of an effort to make some plans, even if it's just for one night or for a day trip.

Seems easy enough, right. Three simple things that are required to measure our happiness. Are you happy?

To Blog or Not To Blog

2011-01-10T21:13:00.001-06:00

You have no idea the internal struggle that has been going on in my head for the past few days. No idea! Let's start at the beginning. Because that's a very good place to start.

My unmedicated cycle came to an end (surprise, surprise) on Saturday with the start of my period. Drew asked me to chart for the cycle, and I obliged, so I knew that good ol' Aunt Flo would be making her appearance on Saturday. When I woke up in the morning and saw my temperature, I showered, threw on some comfy clothes, grabbed the heating pad, and parked my booty on the couch. And there I stayed. Heating pad in place. Just waiting. And waiting. And waiting. And waiting.

Well, I waited all day. AF arrived in the afternoon, and I waited. But nothing came. No pain. None whatsoever. Bedtime came, so I packed up my little sicky camp and went to bed, with the heating pad still in place.

I slept pretty well all night, and when Sunday ~~morning~~ afternoon arrived, I woke up curious. No pain. None whatsoever. I was baffled. What the heck was going on? I mean, I wasn't going to complain that I wasn't in pain, but it just didn't make sense. I figured it wouldn't be long, so I parked my booty back on the couch and put the heating pad right where it belonged.

Evening came and nothing. Night came and nothing.

Today is day 3 and I have been pain free this cycle. It's a miracle. An unbelievably miracle. I don't know if God decided to spare me a little bit after the hell that I went through last month, but I'll take it.

So, back to my struggle. I've started another cycle on Saturday, but I keep having debates about whether or not I want to blog about it. On one hand, I want to be able to remember this time in my life. That way when our future child acts like a royal pain, I can prove to them how much we fought and longed for them to join us. On the other hand, ya'll, it broke my heart to have to put into writing that I wasn't pregnant after my first IUI.

I probably will continue to blog about what is going on with my treatments, because, first and foremost, this is my blog for me. You are more than welcome to come with me on this journey, in fact, the more the merrier. Let's beat this crappy thing called infertility!

The Next Big Project

2011-01-09T00:22:00.002-06:00

Up until now, we've always tackled small projects. We've painted. We've laid new flooring in the dining room, kitchen, and entryway. We've decorated a majority of our rooms. We started building a deck. We redid the sidewalk. But now. . . we're tackling our biggest project yet. We're remodeling our basement.

Our basement consists of the laundry room, a bedroom, a full bathroom, the electrical room/storage room, and a large rec room. We have an exposed walk-out basement, so there is also a set of doors.

I took a video so that you can see the "before" status of the basement. I honestly should have fixed my hair a little bit before I took it because I look hideous. So, don't mind me. And I shot the video after we had already started, so it's a disaster. But, I wanted everyone to see what we were starting with.

I seriously can't wait until we get all done. I'm sorry that the video is kinda out of focus at times. The camera doesn't take the best videos. Wish us luck! I'll post updates as we make progress.

Sidewalk Renovation

2011-01-05T20:27:00.000-06:00

I seriously can't believe that I haven't posted this project yet. And we completed it back in October. I just never went outside and took pictures of the completed project until the other day. We got back from vacation and it got cold and then snowed and then whine, whine, whine. I sucked it up the other day and went out to take some pictures because I couldn't wait anymore to show off this project.

Our sidewalk was a disaster. And disaster is a generous term. It was a broken ankle waiting to happen. See for yourself.
Yes, seriously, that's our sidewalk. Here's a close up of the gruesome details.

Pretty bad, huh? Well, back in August, I had had enough and we decided to start looking into replacing it before winter came. We got a couple of quotes, but weren't happy with the numbers and Drew knew that he could do just as good of a job for significantly cheaper.

So, Drew went and rented a jackhammer and became the demolition.

At that point, we were committed. After Drew cleaned out all of the old cement, it sat that way for a month. A whole month before Drew ordered the new pavers. Drew and his dad got some egglime (or something like that) at the quarry and laid that first. They rented a ground pounder to be sure that it was packed down really well. Then, it came time for the pavers to be laid.

And that's when we went on vacation. Haha!!! Drew and I went on vacation and his dad, with some help from my cousin who was house sitting, laid the entire sidewalk. We sure know how to plan a project, don't we? I asked my cousin if he learned something or if he had already done something like that, and he said, "Yeah, I learned how to go on vacation when you're doing a project!" Hahaha!!!

But, enough chit chat. I'm sure you want to see pictures of the completed sidewalk, don't you?

Isn't it beautiful? Such an improvement over the old sidewalk! Here is a close-up of the herringbone pattern that we used.

Please don't mind all of the dirt around the sidewalk. We obviously haven't had a chance to landscape and reseed the area yet. Hopefully, by May or June it'll look gorgeous!

So, what do you think? I absolutely LOVE the way that it turned out. And it's so much easier to shovel the snow off.

P.S. If anybody lets me know that they're interested in a cost breakdown of supplies, I can dig that information up and do a post about it.

101 in 1001 Update

2011-01-03T20:45:00.002-06:00

Wow, I haven't updated in a long, long time. And I really need to get my butt in gear if I want to make some progress on this daunting list of mine. If I calculated correctly, I only have until September 28 of this year to accomplish these remaining items. Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!

Again, items that have been completed are in red.

1. Take Drew to Arizona
2. Read the Bible
3. Visit the Daughtry’s in North Carolina
4. Visit the Landgren’s in Colorado
5. Make dinner every night for a week
6. Go to church at least one Sunday a month
7. Take a dance class
8. Move out of our apartment
9. Buy a house
10. Start our family
11. Pay off all credit cards (2/4)
12. Go to a Cubs game with Drew
13. Watch at least 5 Cubs games each season with Drew (and not complain about it) 10/15
14. Learn sign language
15. Learn to play the piano
16. Go on a spontaneous overnight trip
17. Go snowboarding or skiing
18. Don’t drink pop for an entire week
19. Go to Florida
20. Read 5 books that have turned into movies (4/5)(Twilight, My Sister's Keeper, The Time Traveler's Wife, The Other Boleyn Girl)
21. Watch the movies too (4/5)
22. Do a drastically different hairstyle
23. Get braces
24. Read the Twilight series (4/4)
25. Organize the closets
26. Host Christmas Eve for my side of the family
27. Go to bed before 10PM at least 60 times (60/60)
28. Go on a second honeymoon
29. Organize address book
30. Find 4 new recipes to cook for dinner (2/4)
31. Start a family tradition with Drew and me
32. Find a family doctor
33. Have 8 girls’ night (6/8)
34. Take a yoga class
35. Get a massage
36. Go to Starlight Theatre three times (0/3)
37. Clean out Drew’s clothes
38. Pick and print out wedding pictures for frame
39. Go to the movie theatre with Drew
40. Try 5 new restaurants (3/5)(Granite City, Land's End Tavern, Lucerne's)
41. Stay off the computer after work for one week
42. Get a job in my field
43. Take a cooking class
44. Put my feet in the Atlantic Ocean
45. Put my feet in the Pacific Ocean
46. Go golfing
47. Make a new friend
48. Teach someone something
49. Play hookie with Drew one day
50. Play a video game with Drew
51. Pick apples from the apple orchard
52. Plan a big surprise for Drew
53. Make dinner for my family
54. Make dinner for Drew’s family
55. Spend a day with my brother
56. Let Drew teach me something new
57. Learn one new word a week and blog about it (39/143) - Due to requests, I have stopped blogging about this.
58. Put at least $20 into my savings account every two weeks (31/71)
59. Eat dinner at the Signature Room again
60. Volunteer anywhere
61. Be a Chicago “tourist” – Go to the Museum of Science and Industry
62. Be a Chicago “tourist” – Go to the Shedd Aquarium
63. Be a Chicago “tourist” – Go to the Field Museum
64. Be a Chicago “tourist” – Go to the Hancock Observatory
65. Be a Chicago “tourist” – Go to Adler Planetarium
66. Go to Navy Pier
67. Stay at a Bed and Breakfast
68. Go to Brookfield Zoo
69. Go on a picnic
70. Go camping
71. Read “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” when I become pregnant
72. Take a photography class
73. Cross stitch a picture
74. Set up a 401k
75. Get a physical once a year (2/3)
76. Pay off bills as soon as they come in rather than waiting until they’re due
77. Host Thanksgiving
78. Throw a surprise party for someone
79. Send out birthday cards every month for a year (0/12)
80. Completely clean bathrooms every week for a month (0/4)
81. Recycle
82. Completely clean the tables off every night for a month (0/30)
83. Vacuum and dust every week for a month (0/4)
84. Don’t swear for a week
85. Go skydiving
86. Become known for making or doing something
87. Take a ballroom dancing class
88. Take an acting class
89. Research getting an MBA
90. Drink only water for a week
91. Splurge on a spa day for me
92. Splurge on a spa day for me and a friend
93. Encourage at least one other person to make a list like this one
94. Purchase a china cabinet
95. Purchase 5 new pieces of clothing and DON’T feel guilty about it (5/5)
96. Host a game night with our friends
97. Clean and organize garage
98. Do something I don’t want to that will make someone else happy
99. Preserve my wedding gown
100. Donate $5 to a charity for any uncompleted items on this list
101. Make a new list at the end of 1001 days and include any items I didn’t complete on this list

2010 In Review

2010-12-30T23:26:00.003-06:00

Just like last year, I thought it would be fun to do a little "year in review" here at JtoT.

January

* Drew and I went on a double date night with Matt and Sheena

February

* I turned 25 and Drew and I did something for the first time as a couple
* We got a new bed. Woot!
* Drew turned 30!

March

* I had my first acupuncture appointment.
* Our "tenants" moved out.
* Drew got a new job.

April

* We started car shopping.
* I thought we were making progress with the acupuncture.

May

* I got a new toy.
* My cousin became a Dr.
* I went to the 2nd concert I've ever been to, with my sister.

June

* I co-hosted a baby shower for Jessica and made a super cute wreath.

July

* We got a new car!
* Angela had her bridal shower.

August

* I had my first appointment with the RE.
* Angela's bachelorette party. Oy vey!
* Angela and Cody's wedding.

September

* The RE's office went and screwed everything up, so I had to miss a cycle. Stupid!
* Drew and I went and picked apples.
* I started the journey to getting braces. (I still haven't made it any further. Lay off! I'm scared of getting my teeth pulled!!)

October

* I blogged about getting fired.
* Drew and I went on vacation to Florida and Georgia.
* We celebrated two years of marriage.

November

* I finally made some progress at the RE and had an IUI.
* We hosted Thanksgiving.
* We cut down a real Christmas tree!

December

* I made a super cute holiday card hang up and was featured.
* The IUI didn't work :(.
* Christmas celebrations.

It's been such a busy year with lots of excitement and changes. I hope that 2011 is even better for us. Bring it on!!!

Christmas 2010

2010-12-26T21:55:00.011-06:00

Another Christmas has come and gone. I can't believe that we're already at the end of another year. We celebrated Christmas with Drew's side of the family on Thursday. Here's a cute video of little Wes laughing.

After he had gotten dressed, and was fed, Jessica wanted to take some generation pictures.

This is Drew's parents, Drew, me, Jessica, Eric, and Wesley.

Then, we opened presents. Of course, Wes was spoiled like crazy!!

Drew's parents gave us webcams. Yes, our computer is so ancient that it doesn't have one. I can't wait to Skype!!

Jessica made a photobook give to Drew's parents and grandparents. Drew's dad cried! I love gifts that bring tears to the eyes.

Please note the onesie. It speaks for itself.

(It says "My Auntie is awesome")

Nom, nom, nom on my toes.....

Baby's first snowfall.Drew and I hosted Christmas Eve for my side of the family on Friday. Can you believe that I didn't take one picture? I'm so disappointed with myself. In my defense, I was busy playing hostess.

I didn't do anything on Christmas. Drew had to work, so I hung out at home, all by myself. Lame!

The new year is less than a week away. I can't believe it!!

I'm Being Featured!

2010-12-22T17:30:00.000-06:00

Remember my post about how I solved my dilemma with my holiday cards? Well, it's being featured over on Polly Want A Crafter today!

Cassity has a fantastic blog that features a lot of super neat craft ideas. Be sure to head over there and check out her blog. You won't regret it!!

AYKM: Just Hit It With a Hammer

2010-12-19T21:45:00.000-06:00

Our furnace went out tonight. Not such a big deal if we lived in a place like Florida or Hawaii or the Equator, but a huge deal if you live in the frozen tundra known as Northern Illinois.

I called Drew to let him know that the furnace was obviously not working because the thermostat read that it was 61 in here when I had it set at 68. Brrrrr!!!! He came home for dinner and started working on it. After talking to some people, including his dad, they decided that a certain part needed to be replaced. Luckily, Drew's dad had one. He came over. Bad news. The part didn't work.

Drew and Mark worked on the furnace for about an hour and a half, where Drew got progressively more and more frustrated. They came upstairs and decided that they couldn't figure it out so we would need to call a repairman.

The repairman called Drew back and started to walk him through the furnace. I guess that the guy didn't have the part that was broken and told Drew about something that needed to be reset. I don't know what happened with that, but the next thing I hear is a bunch of banging. I guess the guy said to "bang the shit" out of a certain part. Low and behold, the furnace started working!

Our house is slowly warming up again. I'm pretty thankful that it seems to be working for now because the repairman was "nice" enough to inform us of his fee to come out. $60 just to come out and then $23 for every 15 minutes he's here. That's one hell of an hourly wage!

How To Not Put Your Foot In Your Mouth

2010-12-17T22:39:00.002-06:00

I have been doing a lot of serious thinking lately. I've had a few things happen over the past couple of weeks that have made me think about the taboo subject of infertility. I have had a couple of conversations with close friends that have made me want to speak out. I realize that this is not an easy thing for anybody. It's certainly not easy for me, and I've come to realize that it's not easy for the people in my life.

I was talking to a close friend of mine, and we were airing a couple of grievances that we had. I told her that I was really upset because it doesn't seem like she cares about me or my treatments because she never asks about them. I mean, I have people that I'm not nearly as close to who ask more frequently. And it's not like what I'm going through is a secret. She paused for a minute. She then told me that she was really sorry, but she didn't always know what to say. Now, let me just tell you, this girl can talk and is hardly at a loss for words. I never suspected that she wouldn't know what to say. But it makes sense now.

Unless you've had the unfortunate experience of infertility, a person can't possibly understand what is involved. And I'm sure it's difficult to try to say something when you have no knowledge of the subject. That would be like me trying to talk about aircraft maintenance. Ain't going to happen!

But, you're in luck! I'm here to save you from yourself. It is so easy to say something that you think that help and be supportive, but it really does just suck. Point blank, it sucks

"My friend's brother's wife's cousin's sister saw this doctor and she got pregnant right away." - Thank you. I would just love to go to another doctor to run more tests that may or may not have already been done. Not to mention the time that it will take to get in for an appointment at that new doctor.
"You should take a vacation!" - Is there a Fertility Island that I don't know about?
"It'll happen if you just relax" - Been there, done that. I even did the acupuncture to try and relax.
"Maybe you should think about adoption." - I, in no way, look down on adoption. And adoption may very well be a path that we have to pursue. However, I do NOT want it suggested to me before I am ready to consider it. Adoption is not an "easy fix" to infertility. It takes a long time and a lot of money to adopt a child. We're talking two or more years and tens of thousands of dollars. You are not even guaranteed a child at the end. There is nothing to say that the birth mother won't change her mind.
"You do know how to have sex, right?" - Wait! You mean that I can't get pregnant by swallowing?!? Well, damn. My husband won't be happy about that one.

And there are about a gabillion more, but I'll spare you. Do you want to know what TO say to somebody who is struggling with infertility. "I'm sorry that you have to go through this." "I'm hear to listen anytime you need to talk/cry/vent/yell/whatever."

There are a couple of infertility blogs that I read that really help to make me laugh through the tears.

Busted Plumbing - Kate just welcomed a beautiful baby boy into this world. She had a very difficult infertility journey and her humor is wonderful!

999 Reasons to Laugh at Infertility - This blog makes me laugh with practically every post!

There are many, many more, but these are two that I follow right now. I really hope that this has helped when it comes to talking to someone who struggles with infertility.

Our Christmas Card 2010

2010-12-12T17:56:00.001-06:00

I'm pretty sure that at this point, most everybody has received their card. So, I though I would share on here the design that I decided to go with after sharing about using Shutterfly for our cards this year.
I think they turned out great! I am very pleased with the quality and the printing on them. They are printed on sturdy cardstock, which I was really impressed with. I do need to mention that I ordered stationary cards, as opposed to the photo cards, so, I'm sure, that contributed to the "heavier" quality of the paper. I love the fact that it said 2010 on it. I don't know how many people actually keep the cards after the season, but I probably will keep all the ones we receive this year.

Failure

2010-12-09T16:09:00.000-06:00

I am so heartbroken to announce that I am not pregnant.

I went in Tuesday for a blood draw and received the call that afternoon. I honestly didn't have too high of hopes because I had already tested with an at home pregnancy test and it came up negative.

I'm numb.

I remember feeling so confident two weeks ago that this was going to work. I remember thinking that we would be able to make an announcement at Christmas that we were going to be parents. I remember feeling hopeful.

Now, I just feel pain.

It is so hard to keep trying for something month after month and keeping seeing that stupid no. It is so hard to want and desire something so badly that you can't obtain. There are two friends on Facebook who have very recently had babies, and while I am so overjoyed for them because they have had a long struggle, it's so difficult to see the pictures. I want that joy that they are feeling.

I have to take a break this cycle because the doctor's office doesn't do any treatments in December. That means at least two more times of getting miserably sick. I hate this.

AYKM: Don't You Wish Your Neighbor Was Cool Like Mine?

2010-12-08T19:28:00.001-06:00

Ok, so this guy isn't really my neighbor, but he does live in my town. I have no idea who he is, but his house, decked out in Christmas spirit, humbles any other house that tries to.

Drew and I discovered this house yesterday when we went to rent some movies. After watching for a few minutes, I knew we had to grab the camera and record the show.

I don't know who the owner of this house is, or how he did this, or exactly the reason why. But I do know that this is cool!!

Holiday Card Hang Up

2010-12-06T20:10:00.003-06:00

I knew I had to come up with a solution for my holiday card dilemma. Last year, I just sat them on a shelf and, since a good majority of them are photo cards, they just fell all over and were a constant annoyance. This year, ahhhhh this year, I have the perfect solution. I got this idea from some girls on a message board and just kind of ran with it. (Thanks girls!)

First, I went to Michael's and got 4 different sheets of scrapbook paper. It's important to select a paper that has a small design because the paper is going to be cut into small strips.
Then, I cut the paper into strips using my paper cutter.

The strips were cut just big enough to cover a clothespin. I attached the paper to the clothespin using rubber cement.

This was my first time buying rubber cement and when I got to the check out and scanned it, it told me to wait to cashier assistance. The cashier came over and asked my age. Apparently you have to be 17 to buy rubber cement. I figured out why after I opened the bottle. I'm surprised I didn't die from the fumes.

Here's what the finished clothespins look like.

Then, I made some bows with a long tail to hang on the wall. I hung the bows using those 3M hook things.

I finished the project just in time to receive our first holiday card.

What do you think? Cute, huh? Now, I just have to keep the cats (Luuuuuucifer) from attacking the hanging ribbon.

Just Call Me a Pharmacy

2010-12-01T20:34:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, I went back to the RE's office for a blood draw to check my hormone levels. The nurse called me that afternoon and told me that my levels "weren't bad". I have now been put on estrogen and progesterone because the nurse says that we've got a very good chance of being pregnant. Oh, and a vaginal suppository. I'm just ecstatic. Overjoyed, I tell you.

For anybody who is reading this that is going through the same thing, I am taking Estradiol and Prometrium. And the vaginal suppository. Can't forget about that, now can we?

I know that there are worse things in life. And Sheena made me well aware of that when she pointed out that it could be an anal suppository. Thanks for seeing the glass half full Sheena!! But folks, I'm seriously going to be so pissed off if I'm not pregnant.

Cuttin' Down a Christmas Tree

2010-11-28T12:39:00.000-06:00

Drew and I went with our friends, Josh and Amanda, to cut down our Christmas tree today. I haven't had a real Christmas tree in years. I can't tell you how excited I am to have a real tree in my home. It smells amazing! We went to Williams Tree Farm to pick out our tree. To say there had a lot of trees is an understatement.
Lots of trees.

Lots and lots of trees.

Josh and Amanda were looking for a tall, skinnier one. I think they found a pretty good one. Here's the men chopping it down.

Amanda and I supervised. Can you see our shadows? Haha!

Then, Drew and I found our tree. I had originally "marked" one that I like, but then Josh pointed out this one and it's perfect!

They also have some animals at the Farm. Like a reindeer!!

You can't not feed the camel, right!

Now, I'm just waiting for the branches on the tree to fall back down before I start decorating it. I post a picture of our decorated tree soon. After I vacuum up the gabillion pine needles that are already on my carpet. Ha! It's a small price to pay to have a real tree again.

I Will Be A Wonderful Mother

2010-11-26T17:57:00.002-06:00

I participate in a couple of online message boards. I have become friends with women on there that I have never even met. As I was lurking around one of the boards the other day, somebody had posted a poem that instantly brought tears to my eyes. There are so many lines in this poem that say the words that my heart feels.

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss, and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore, and discover.
I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that I have been given this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that I am led to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.
I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.

I listen.

And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.